Semisweet Chocolate
by silverpeacesign
Summary: A continuation of Bittersweet Chocolate
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1**

Nothing is perfect. I think I'm more aware of that than most people. After my seemingly perfect ex turned into a demon from the lower reaches of the underworld the idea of anyone being perfect or even close is repellent to me. I don't trust the perfection because it tends to hide the flaws deep inside.

Castiel is nowhere near perfect. He's a moody, antisocial, short tempered, grumpy, sarcastic smoker. He doesn't freely offer information about anything, especially himself. He's rude to most everyone, especially people with authority (coughNATHANIELcough) or delusions of self-importance (coughAMBERcough). He's stubborn, bossy and sometimes a little bit neurotic.

Frankly, I wouldn't change a thing about him. Because he's also sweet in his own way, deeply passionate about the things he cares about, patient with me and my complete inability to do math problems without being walked through them step by step the first dozen times, and isn't pushy. At all. He lets me set the pace with our relationship. Even now, three weeks later, he isn't pushing for more than a kiss or two and a hug when we're alone. We only hold hands in public, neither of us being fond of PDA. We've worked up to cuddling during study period. I don't know what it is that hurt him before but I'm strangely grateful because it lets us go as slow as we need. And I'm rather fond of slow right now.

As soon as we returned to the main group after the fireworks on Halloween, everyone seemed to know what had changed. They looked from my smudged makeup to our intertwined hands and just smiled. Luke had even clapped Castiel on the back with a loud "Congrats, dude!" I had thought Castiel would punch Luke or go into shock. But after a moment of startled silence he just smiled and nodded his thanks. That was Kim's cue to start wailing about the mess we had made of her masterful makeup. I didn't bother to tell her it was Ken that had caused the initial damage, saving the news for later. We spent the rest of the fair with them, holding hands most of the time. I made a point to cling to his arm for a moment when Amber showed up again. She looked like a frog about to explode when she saw us together. Not going to lie, the memory of that expression is almost as good as the one of our first kiss. Once she had tottered away on her ridiculous heels Castiel had sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically at me. I just smiled back and nibbled on a piece of chocolate. Semisweet.

I haven't seen Ken since that night. Rumor is that his dad had to move suddenly and took Ken with him. Can't say I'm really upset about this after what the nasty little worm called me. And my locker has never looked cleaner!

Right now I am sitting next to Castiel on the roof. The sky is a stormy grey that promises snow. We are huddled under a thick blanket, his arm around my shoulders as we stare at the sky. We don't study during the second half of the period anymore after he's helped me with math. We just hang out, look at the view. Once he even brought up his guitar and played for me but since he got busted carrying it around after he hasn't done it since. I like watching him play. He becomes a completely different person, very focused on the music coming from his fingers. I've been coming to the practices he and Lysander have in that abandoned classroom, even backing them up with some electric piano when they ask. Lysander surprises me. He's so reserved when we're hanging out but as soon as you give that boy a microphone he becomes a charismatic rock god.

"Hey," Castiel says, pointing up. "It's starting to snow." I follow his finger to see small, fluffy flakes of white descending from the heavens. I shudder and pull my knit hat down farther onto my head. I hate the cold. Snow is fine to look at but I don't like being out in it.

"Ick," I say, huddling closer to him. "Spare me the wet and fluffy doom from above." He chuckles softly, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair (still bleached and now streaked red and brown) that stick out of my hat. I'm growing it out to protect my neck and ears from the coming cold.

"Don't worry, I'll keep you warm," he murmurs. We're quiet again, giving me time to fret more about the question I wanted to ask him today. He had mentioned a few days ago that he would be alone for Thanksgiving; his parents were on yet another long business trip. Since he doesn't have any close relatives he would probably be alone. So I gather up my courage to ask-

Just as the bell goes off to signal the end of the period. I sigh and start to collect my things. I'll have to ask him after school since Thanksgiving is three days away. He stands and offers me a hand, pulling me up with no effort. He pulls me in for a quick hug before neatly folding up both the blankets (one for keeping our butts off the cold floor and one to cuddle under) and putting them in his bag. "I'll see you after school, ok?"

"See you," I say with a smile. I give him a kiss on the cheek before skipping down the stairs in front of him, shedding cold weather gear as the warmth of the entire student body envelops me. And the smell. Who knew a building with all its windows closed mixed with the thousands of smells from hundreds of students could be so noxious? It's the main reason we keep going to the roof during study even though I'm usually frozen halfway through. Soon the whole place will be snow-bound and we won't be able to go outside at all without sitting in snow. So I'll be outside as long as I can.

Iris smiles at me as soon as I walk into the home ec room. "Did you ask him?"

I shake my head and put all my things under the table. "Over thought it and ran out of time."

She sighs with sympathy. "Don't worry. You can ask him after school."

"I better. If I don't tell Mom if he's coming or not by tonight she may skin me. She's worried about having enough pies."

"I'm sure it will be fine," she says just as Mr. Houle walks in and starts lecturing about soups. We make a yummy carrot and miso soup that I pour into a thermos to give to Castiel. I worry about his eating habits, which consist of devouring whatever is in his cupboards at home and school cafeteria food at lunch. Or he eats out using the money his parents give him. The one real date we've been on, he paid for everything using a shiny silver credit card. I pay him back by giving him most of the food we make in home ec. Though if this keeps up through next semester when I don't have home ec I'll have to start bringing him food from home so he doesn't die of hypertension or clogged arteries. Not that you can see it on him. He's very...fit.

I squash that thought down quick as I can. I don't want to think like that just yet. It makes everything too complicated. Once the bell rings I say goodbye to Iris and head for my locker. I switch out books, grab things I may need, and head out as quick as I can with all the bodies milling around in the hallway. But when I pass the student council room, a voice yelling loud enough to hear through the door makes me pause.

"Young man, I don't think you quite understand the gravity of this situation! If you don't resolve this issue immediately, I will have no choice but to expel you!" The door opens quickly and the stout pink figure of the principal rushes by me, knocking me off balance and almost making me drop my thermos of soup. I curse quietly and regain my footing only to look into the sweet baby blues of Nathaniel. Whose face is redder than a summer tomato.

"Nico!" he hisses. "Were you listening in on that?"

"No, I just caught the last part when I was walking by before I almost got knocked on my keister."

"Oh," he says, his anger deflating. He tugs at the knot of his tie, something I've noticed he does when he's nervous. "Sorry about that. The principal is a little... Agitated right now."

"Mmhmm. Tell me something I don't know," I say dryly.

He sighs and says quietly so only I can hear "Some of the junior classes' finals have been stolen. And since I'm the only student with a copy of the key to teacher's lounge the principal thinks I had something to do with it."

"Oh snap," I whisper. "You don't, do you?"

"Of course not," he says, irritated. "Like I would do something like that? Besides, my key went missing a few days ago."

"Fine," I say. "But what about someone... Close to you? Someone who could take your copy of the key without you noticing? Someone who isn't doing very well in their classes?"

Nathaniel's eyes widen as he realizes who I'm talking about. "Amber wouldn't do that."

"You also said she wouldn't fake being hurt or try to choke me," I say, trying really hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. He shrugs, acknowledging my point without responding to it. I think for a moment. No point in telling him about Castiel's key. It would just cause more trouble. "So you just need to find the missing key and the tests and you're home free?"

"Basically," he says, hope flooding into his eyes. "Will you help?"

"Um, I'm supposed to meet Castiel..." I say. All the hope just drains away and he looks sad. I've been avoiding talking about Castiel in front of Nathaniel. Likewise, I avoid talking about Nathaniel in front of Castiel. But Nathaniel and I are still friends so I will keep talking to him. Not that Castiel asked me to stop. And not that I would even if he asked me. Because I'm through letting boys tell me what to do. Not that Castiel would. He's a good guy. Even if he is grumpy. But sweet. And a good guitar player. And... And I'm rambling in my own head. Fantastic. I sigh. "Let me talk to him real quick. Maybe he can help."

"I don't see why he would..." Nathaniel grumbles.

"Because he's really not a bad guy," I say before I can stop myself. Nathaniel just looks blankly at me. "Just let me ask, ok? What can it hurt." I walk out before Nathaniel can respond.

Castiel is standing by the main entrance to the school, already bundled in his thicker leather jacket. He smiles when he sees me coming but since other people are around he just gives me a hug. "Ready to go?"

"Almost," I say. "I need to ask you something first..." Well two things, but Thanksgiving can wait. I quickly explain Nathaniel's situation. I can see Castiel's face darken as I talk. I don't think he wants to help.

"Golden boy should take care of his own problems," he growls, "instead of sending people out to do it for him."

I can't help but roll my eyes. "Will you stop? Nathaniel is my friend and he needs help finding that key. Everyone needs help sometimes. And I would like to remind you I am not his groupie or flunky or whatever it is you called me last time I asked for help for him." The crowd has thinned out some so I put my arms around him, tugging on his hair to get him to look down at me. "You're my...boyfriend." I stumble a bit on the word. It's weird, but in three weeks it's the first time I've called him that. "He isn't. But I'm still going to help him because he's my friend. And it will go a lot quicker if you help."

He regards me for a moment before kissing me gently. "Ok. I'll help you, katzchen. Just because you asked."

I feel my ears start to burn. "What did you call me?"

"Something I learned in German," he says with a smirk. "You can figure out what it means on your own."

I glare at him and gently shove his shoulder. "You're a butthead, you know that?"

"So I've been told." He twines his fingers around mine. "Let's get this over with."

We go back to the student council room where Nathaniel is pacing, still tugging on his tie. He looks like he's about to choke himself with it. He looks shocked to see Castiel, who just frowns at him and leans on the wall by the door, arms crossed over his chest. Nathaniel looks like he is about to say something but I clear my throat. Loudly. So that he stops and clears his own throat, composing himself.

"Thank you for helping," he says stiffly. Castiel shrugs his shoulders and grunts in response. Charming.

Nathaniel clears his throat again. "I figured we could split up and look around the school. See if the person who took it dropped it somewhere. Ask around, see if someone has seen a key."

"That's not very specific," I say.

"I don't want it to get around that there's a master key to the school floating around. If the wrong person gets their hands on it-" I can tell he's trying really hard not to look at Castiel- "It could be trouble. They'd have free reign of the school."

"Fair enough," I say. "Does it have any distinguishing marks?"

"I, uh, have a keychain on it. Of a cartoon character."

I quirk my eyebrow at him. "That's not specific enough."

Nathaniel turns a bright shade of red. "It's of Jessica Rabbit." Castiel snorts out a laugh, trying to cover it up with his hand when Nathaniel glares at him. I just smirk at Nathaniel.

"Well. Didn't expect you to have that on a key to the school," I say. Nathaniel turns a deeper shade of red and glances away from me, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.

"It was easier to find in my bag that way."

"Have you tried looking in the teacher's lounge?" Castiel asks, surprising us both. "For clues or whatever."

Nathaniel shakes his head. "I can't get in there without a key. And I doubt they would let me in now since I'm the primary suspect." I can't help but snort at that. Primary suspect? Someone has been watching too many crime dramas.

"I may be able to help with that," I say. "I'll ask Mr. Houle. He usually lets students into the lounge to use the copier for recipes."

Nathaniel nods. "Then Castiel and I will look around the school. Meet back here in half an hour?"

"Ok. I need to run before Mr. Houle leaves." I move to leave, giving Castiel a quick hug. He surprises me by pulling me in for a long kiss, far longer than any of our kisses have been. When he releases me (and my bright red face) I swear he smirks at Nathaniel before pulling me out into the hall. It takes a second for me to regain my composure. I glare and smack his shoulder. "What the heck was that, Castiel?!"

"Just wanted to make Golden Boy squirm," he says with a smirk. "Don't pretend you didn't enjoy it."

I glare at him again before muttering "I didn't not enjoy it."

His smirk widens and he kisses me again. "I'll go look in the clubs. See you back here."

"Don't get too cocky, pretty boy," I grumble. "I know where you're ticklish." He laughs at that and walks down the hall, waving once at me before stuffing his hands in his pockets; his typical 'rebel without a cause' pose that I find so adorable. God love a duck that boy will drive me insane.

I find Mr. Houle still in the home ec classroom, trying to scrape Amber's attempt at soup out of the bottom of the pot. Perfect, he's distracted. "Mr. Houle, can I borrow your key for the copier? My recipe for the soup got water all over it and I need a new one."

He nods at me, glaring at the charred black mess in the pot. "Keys are in my desk drawer. Be fast, I need to get to my club meeting soon."

"Yessir," I say, grabbing the keys before he can think about it too much. Mr. Houle may be laid back but he's still a teacher and a student asking for the keys may be a little suspicious. I trot down the halls to the teacher's lounge and knock on the door once I get there. When no one answers, I unlock the door and poke my head in to make sure no one is there. The coast is clear so I duck in, carefully closing the door behind me. I survey the room, noting the bland furniture, filing cabinets, and table with coffee pot and donuts. My stomach rumbles at the sight of the donuts but I resist. Instead I look under the couches and by the filing cabinets. Something shines under one of the cabinets- a silver ring- and I try to fish it out, growling at it when it's just a little too far to reach. The sound of a key in the lock makes me momentarily panic and reach a bit farther than I am comfortable. I grab the ring and stand as quickly as possible, fiddling with the copy machine and pulling out a random piece of paper.

"Young lady, what are you-"

"Sorry, just picking up a copy for Mr. Houle!" I say brightly to the surprised teacher I don't know in the door. "Thanks so much, I'll just get out of your way now! Buh-bye!" I slip past them and up the hall before they can react, walking so quickly I almost slip and fall on a slip of paper, the ring held tight in my hand. I go back to the home ec classroom where Mr. Houle is still trying to get the char out of the pot. I toss the keys onto his desk. "Thanks Mr. Houle! See you tomorrow!" He grunts a response at me but I am out the door again before he can look up.

In the hall I, quite literally, bump into Lysander. He is wandering down the middle of the hall with a dreamy expression on his face and a pad of paper clenched in his hand. The ring slips out of my hands and I yelp and make a grab for it, knocking Lysander's pad out of his hands and sending papers flying. His astonished look shows he hadn't noticed me until this moment. But I think that's normal for Lysander.

"Nico, what on Earth have you done?" he asks, his quiet voice conveying a sense of annoyance at the mess of his papers.

"Sorry Lys," I say, getting down on my knees and scrabbling through the papers, looking for the ring.

He sighs. "I have asked you repeatedly not to call me by that diminutive. It is juvenile."

"Well your name is too long to say all the time," I reply. Plus it annoys you, I think to myself. Not going to lie, I enjoy ruffling this peacock's feathers. Just for fun, though. I do like him. As a friend. Just to clarify.

He sighs again and gets down next to me, gathering up his papers. "It is not polite to refer to people by names they do not enjoy."

"Oh come on, nicknames are fun," I say, grinning at him. "You know, fun? The enjoyment of activities?"

"I am capable of having fun," he says stiffly. "My fun does not involve mowing down innocent people in the rush to get places."

"So sorry," I mutter. I glance at the paper in my hand, finally noticing the sheet is completely covered in loopy handwriting. "What is all this, anyway?"

"These," he says, snatching the paper from my hands, "Are not your business."

"Well now I just HAVE to look," I say with a grin, snatching the paper back. "Twist back my hand and let me scream, my voice rings out for yours, please let me end this sweet misery, take me back to pleasant shores... Wow, these are pretty good! Are they lyrics?"

"Yes," he says. I swear I can see a faint blush on his cheeks. "I have been working on a new song."

"Well keep it up!" I say. "Let me know if you need help or anything. I've always wanted to try writing a song." He nods at me, a slight smile on his lips. I swear, what is it with him and his brother where they hardly show emotion? Suddenly I remember what I was doing before I was distracted by the stoic Edwardian rocker. "Anyway, have you seen a ring? I dropped it when we collided."

"This one?" he asks, holding it up in front of my face. "Not quite your style, is it?" He's right; the ring is a delicate silver circle with a turquoise stone that has gold streaks in it. I prefer my jewelry to be a little more substantial, that's for sure. But it does look familiar...

"Thanks Lys," I say, taking the ring from him. He gives me a look that makes me smile at how serious it is. "Ok, fine. Lysander."

"Thank you," he says, his two-colored eyes finally meeting mine. I constantly wonder if they are contacts.

"I gotta run. See you on Wednesday?" He nods as he gets his papers back into an orderly pile. "Sorry again for running into you."

"It is not a problem," he says. "But please try to avoid doing so in the future."

"Will do," I say. And with a casual salute, I am gone, leaving Lysander alone in the hall.

I get back to the student council room before the boys so I take a seat on top of the desk, absently kicking my feet back and forth as I examine the ring. It looks really familiar but I can't place it. Maybe it's one of the teacher's? But not many of the teachers wear a ton of jewelry. Or at least not ones that I know. Maybe it's someone's class ring? But there isn't any engraving on it. So I put the ring in my pocket for safekeeping and take out my phone. Time to look up what Castiel called me earlier. I'm so transfixed by the information on my phone I don't hear the door open.

"Nathaniel, are you ready to go yet? I'm tired of waiting for y- What are YOU doing here, freak?" I look up to see Amber framed in the door, her eyes narrowed to slits as she glares at me. I smile cheerfully and wave at her, silently cursing the heavens as I do so. Of course Amber would show up now.

"Well hi Amber. Nice to see you. How's things? Nice weather we're having, huh?"

"Shut up," she hisses. "What are you doing here? Where's Nathaniel?"

"I don't know," I say as politely as I can. "I was waiting for him too."

"Why, having Castiel isn't enough for you?" she says. "You need my brother too?"

I roll my eyes at her. "Yes, because that would end well. Since they're soooooo close." Dang it, I was trying to be civil. Stupid sarcasm reflex...

Amber smiles evilly at me. "I'm sure a lame little wannabe like you wouldn't know what to do with them. Castiel needs a real woman's touch, not some half-grown girl's." She tosses her hair and her necklace glitters in the light. It's silver with a turquoise stone. And it's a match for the ring in my hand.

"Odin's pants, I hate when I'm right," I mutter.

"What was that, freak?" she says.

"Oh nothing," I say, smiling at her again. "So tell me, where did you get your necklace? It's really pretty."

She sniffs disdainfully at me. "Like a loser like you could afford something like this."

I shrug. "Yeah, I've got better things to spend my money on. But see, I found this ring earlier in the teacher's lounge when I was making some copies..." I hold it up so she can see it. Amber goes a little pale. "And I just don't have anything gaudy enough to match it. I figured you would know where I could find something that would." With almost perfect timing, Castiel and Nathaniel come back. They stand in the open door where Amber can't see them. But I can. I subtly shake my head at them, hoping they get my meaning. Since they just wait by the door I assume they do.

"You... You little thief!" Amber sputters. "Give me back my ring!"

"Now Amber, how could this be yours?" I say as innocently as I can. "After all, I found it in the teacher's lounge. And you wouldn't be caught dead in there. Not unless you had a reason. Like, oh, stealing tests so you can cheat?"

Now she blushes scarlet with rage. Her manicured fingers twist into claws that I'm sure she wishes she could rake across my face. "You're lying. I wouldn't steal those."

"Oh yeah?" I say. "I'll bet my bottom dollar they're in your bag as we speak." She clutches her white leather bag to her, confirming my suspicions. I quirk a brow at the boys. They seem to get the message and come into the room right behind Amber. Castiel touches her shoulder, drawing her attention to him while Nathaniel grabs her bag. She lunges at Nathaniel but he is faster, opening her bag to reveal a bunch of manilla folders filled with paper.

"Amber," Nathaniel says, rifling through the papers. "How could you?"

"I-I didn't," she sputters. "It was Nico, she set me up, she-"

"Oh shut up," Castiel says. He comes up next to me and slings an arm around my shoulders, drawing me in close. Whether it's to protect me or annoy Amber I don't know. But I'm ok with either reason. "Nico couldn't have done that. She was with me most of the day."

"And why would she steal tests for the junior class?" Nathaniel says, shaking his head in disbelief. "Amber, why would you do this? You could be expelled!"

"So what?" she hisses. "As long as I can get away from HER, I don't care!"

"Um, I didn't do anything to you," I say.

"You did plenty!" she cries. "Ever since you came along, nothing is going the way it should! How did you do it? How did you get everyone on your side? You even took Castiel away from me!"

"Hey, Am-bam," Castiel says, his arm tightening on my shoulders. "Nico didn't take me away from you because I was never WITH you. For chrissakes, woman, I don't know how many ways I can say that I'm not interested in you before you get it."

"How can you prefer THAT to me?!" she screeches. "That... flat-chested, big-bottomed loser who looks like she gets her clothes from the Goodwill?!" I am mildly offended by this. I would be more offended but Amber looks and sounds ridiculous when she's mad so it's really more amusing than anything else.

"Because she's real," he says back. "She doesn't have to hide behind tons of makeup or fancy clothes or a bad attitude. She knows who she is and that's way more attractive than anything you could ever try to be."

I can't help but blush. I smile shyly up at him. "Aww, chiot, that's so sweet..."

He blinks at me. "Did you just call me puppy in French?"

"You called me kitten in German. Seemed fair to me." He chuckles and kisses my forehead, much to Amber's consternation.

"This isn't fair!" she wails. "This. Is. Not. FAIR!"

Nathaniel sighs and takes his sister by the arm. "Come on, Amber. Let's go tell the principal what you did."

"No!" she yells, trying to pull away. "You can't turn me in! I'll be expelled!"

"Maybe she'll go easy on you," Nathaniel says grimly. "But I know Mom and Dad won't."

Amber pales at this. "No! You're my big brother, you're supposed to protect me!"

"You've gone too far this time," he says, dragging her into the hall and towards the principals office. I can hear her screaming profanities at him the whole time.

I turn to look up at Castiel, smiling shyly. "So, want to come over to my house for Thanksgiving?"

He gives me a disbelieving look before shaking his head and smiling. "After all that, that's what you ask me?"

I shrug. "Seemed like the best time. Mom is making cherry pie."

"I'm in," he says. "So long as your dad doesn't kill me."

"I make no promises," I say with a smirk. "So, did you guys find the key?"

"Yeah, it was in the bushes by the gardening club," he says, rolling his eyes. "I don't know how no one noticed it before, that keychain is really, really... bright."

I giggle. "Yeah, Jessica Rabbit is very... bright."

He shakes his head at me. "Come on. Let's get you home." I nod in agreement and hop off the desk, leaving the ring sitting on the top where Nathaniel can find it. Despite yet another crazy shouting at me, I feel this was a productive day. Time to rush home to avoid the snow I can see blowing outside the window. I hate being cold...


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2  
Of course I am in the shower when Castiel shows up for Thanksgiving. My family has the big meal early in the day so we can spend the rest digesting in peace so I had told Castiel to show up at 11. By my estimate, right now it is 10:45. And I'm still in the shower. But this doesn't stop my little brother from barging in and screaming the information at me at the top of his lungs.  
"NICO! THERE'S A GUY DOWNSTAIRS AND HE SAYS HE'S HERE FOR THANKSGIVING AND HE SAYS HE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND AND HE'S STILL AT THE DOOR SHOULD I TELL HIM YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER?!"  
"Zues's swim trunks, Tyler!" I shout, albeit at a lower decibel than what he just used. Thank heaven this curtain is thick so no one can see through it. "Get out! I'm still in the shower!"  
"But your boyfriend is here!" he shouts back. At least he isn't poking his head past the curtain like he used to. I had to threaten to blow up all his Legos before he would stop. "Why is the guy with funny hair your boyfriend? I like Ken. Why don't you date Ken?"  
"Because Ken is an obnoxious little weasel with anger management issues," I mutter. "Like I will have unless some little punk gets his butt out of the bathroom because I AM IN THE SHOWER AND WILL BE DOWN IN FIVE MINUTES!"  
"Nico, stop yelling at your brother!" Yes, because now is the perfect time for my mother to walk by after having her nice, quiet, private shower in her bathroom that has an actual lock on the door. "Tyler, get out of there so your sister can finish and get dressed. Her boyfriend is here, she needs to make herself pretty." The door closes but not before I hear Tyler ask how I could ever be pretty, even with all the makeup in the world. I sigh and count to ten. I promised Daddy I wouldn't kill Tyler on holidays. Tomorrow, however, he is fair game.  
I dry as quickly as I can and pull on faded jeans, socks and a shirt that says 'The Cake Is A Lie'. Despite what my mother thinks, I do not need to make myself pretty, especially on a day when I plan on consuming a quarter of my body weight in turkey and pie. And because what Castiel said about me still makes me feel all tingly inside. He really doesn't want me to be someone else to make him happy. That means more to me than anything.  
I find Castiel on our porch, leaning between the door and window to the living room so he can't see in and can't be seen from the inside. He's wearing dark jeans with a black collared button down and black leather boots. He's got on a coat I haven't seen before, black wool that goes to his hips. His hair is tied back into a low tail, showing the silver hoop he has in the lobe of his left ear. Overall, he looks a lot more put together than I've ever seen him. And his broody bad boy mask is on. Lovely.  
"Hey chiot," I say, closing the front door behind me. I lean against the door, arms wrapping around me in the cold. Snow has been falling off and on since Monday and it hasn't stuck yet. But I'm still out here without a jacket or shoes and wet hair. Smart move, me.  
He grunts and keeps staring off into the middle ground, hands deep in his coat pockets. I stare at him for a few seconds longer before I get impatient. "I'm out here in the cold instead of warm in my house that smells like a few hundred different pies. Why?" He finally looks at me and sees my lack of jacket and damp hair. He winces.  
"Sorry katzchen. You can go back in, I'll just... be a minute."  
"You really should come in," I say. "Mom's got appetizers all ready. She'll be expecting you to eat so I hope you're hungry. And it will be weird if I come back in without boyfriend in tow. My parents may think Tyler and I are making you up." My attempt at humor fails. I don't even get the shadow of a smile. I frown and lean against him, poking his ribs with my elbow. "Why are we reverting back to the silent moody guy?"  
He sighs deeply. "Are you sure you want me to come in? I'm not the kind of guy most girls want to bring home to their parents."  
"Well most girls don't have a thing for brooding, grumpy almost-delinquents. Lucky for you, I do. Now are you coming in or do I have to drag you?"  
"I'm serious, Nico," he says. "Are you sure you want me to come in and meet your parents?"  
"Are you sure you want to meet them?" I say, trying to lighten the mood. "Because I can guarantee the instant you walk in you'll be bombarded with questions by my annoying little brother and fed to the point of asphyxiation by my mom. Daddy will probably glare at you. But we already know Maisie likes you. And so do I. But I give no guarantees about the cat, she's finicky."  
He gives me a little smile. "Fine, fine. Just don't blame me if everything goes south."  
"It won't as long as you're not being Mr. Negativepants. Now come in before I become Miss Frozenpants." I take his hand and lead him inside, a grateful sigh escaping when the warm air hits me. I HATE being cold. I tug at the sleeve of Castiel's jacket, urging him to take it off so I can hang it on the coat rack near the door. Once the jacket is off, I see there is a design in silver on the back of his shirt that's shaped like angel wings. "Nice shirt."  
"It's the nicest one I had," he mutters, nervously brushing his bangs out of his eyes. "It looks ok?"  
"It looks perfect," I say with a grin. "Though the angel wings don't really go with the bad attitude."  
"Ha ha," he says with a deadpan tone. "You're a real comedian." I giggle and stand on my toes to give him a kiss.  
"EWWWWWW!" My brother's voice kills the moment. "Mom, Dad, Nico's being gross!"  
"Tyler," I growl, grinding my teeth. "As soon as today is over you are DEAD."  
"Nico, be nice to your brother," my mother says, turning the corner to stand at the end of the entrance hall. She's rubbing her hands on a dishtowel, probably wiping off some flour or pie filling. "You must be Castiel. Nico's told us so much about you."  
When Castiel doesn't respond, I fill the silence. "Castiel, this is my mom, Linda Grey."  
"Nice to meet you," he mumbles, his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Thank you for having me." I stare at him. Seriously? What happened to that snarky jerk I met in the bathroom that first day at school? Where did this meek boy come from?  
Mom doesn't seem to notice and beams at him. "Well thank you for coming. We always have too much food."  
"Nuh-uh!" Tyler shouts. "There isn't enough food! You didn't make enough pies!" Why does Tyler always have to shout? It's like his volume is always stuck on eleven. But Mom just keeps smiling and ignoring him.  
"Why don't you come in? I've just taken some goat cheese and spinach tartlets out of the oven."  
"Ewwwwwwwww," Tyler moans, again at level eleven volume. "Spinach is gross! I want apple pie!"  
"Not until after dinner," Mom says. She smiles at Castiel and I am grateful that she looks like June Cleaver with jeans. She's very comforting. "Come on in," she repeats and starts walking deeper into the house towards the kitchen. Castiel shoots me a look of pure panic. I roll my eyes at him and push him towards the kitchen. It's WARM in there.  
It also looks like a bit of a disaster. There's flour on the floor, gravy bubbling over on the stove and half of a litre of Coke being lapped up by Maisie and the cat, Charles. Who is a girl cat. Tyler named her. But even though my mom looks like June Cleaver, if it isn't a pie she tends to lose her focus and things start to spill or burn or bubble over. Mom makes a strangled noise like a mouse who's had their tail stepped on and dashes around the kitchen, trying to fix everything. "So sorry," she says as she starts moping up the Coke. "Tartlets are on the table, help yourself. I just need to- Maisie, down! Bad dog!" Maisie looks forlornly at the trail of gravy dripping down the side of the stove. But once she sees Castiel, Maisie lights up with a doggie grin and sprints at him, almost knocking him off his feet. I finally see a smile as he bends down to pet her.  
"Why didn't you bring Demon?" I ask.  
He shrugs and absently wipes Maisie drool off his chin. "Didn't think to. I'll bring him some leftovers, though, if that's ok."  
"Shouldn't be a problem. Daddy is out grilling two turkeys, there should be plenty."  
Castiel gives me a weird look. "Your dad is grilling the turkeys. When it's snowing outside."  
"Mom was using the oven."  
Right on cue, Dad walks in from the door leading to the back yard. He silently stomps a bit of snow off his feet before throwing his coat over one of the kitchen chairs. "I swear, Linda, one of these days we're getting a kitchen with two ovens. Because if I have to go outside in the snow on Thanksgiving ever again it will be the last day you make pie."  
"Now that's a lie, Robert," she says, closing the oven door with her foot as she takes yet another tray of spinach and goat cheese tartlets out of the oven. "You wouldn't last a week without pie."  
Dad grunts in response before his eyes fall on Castiel, still crouched on the floor petting Maisie. "You must be Castiel."  
Castiel nods in response before standing and offering a hand. He sees it is covered in dog hair so he quickly wipes it on his pants before offering it again. "Yes, sir. Good to meet you, sir." Daddy regards him for a moment before taking Castiel's hand and shaking twice.  
"So you're the boy who's been keeping our Nico's math grade up. And, apparently, the one she's been snogging between classes." Dad is British. And very blunt. Must be where I get it from.  
"Daddy!" I say, my face turning bright red. "Was that necessary?"  
"Now, pet," he says, his grip on Castiel's hand tightening. "What kind of father would I be if I didn't threaten every boy who comes calling on you?"  
"Odd's blood, Daddy," I grumble. "You're hurting his hand." Before he can react I pinch the nerves in Dad's hand, making his grip loosen enough so Castiel can pull his hand away. Dad is ex-British army so he's been drilling disengaging moves into my head since before I could talk properly. And it's probably the only reason I was able to get away from Jacob. But we're not thinking about that.  
Dad chuckles and rubs his wrist. "Been practicing on Tyler again, pet?"  
"She does, Dad!" Tyler screams. "And it hurts!"  
"Well you probably shouldn't be doing anything to annoy her, then," Dad says, ruffling Tyler's hair. "For example, screaming like a banshee. Oh look, your mother's made tarts." He snatches two from the plate and takes a delicate nibble that's totally in contrast to his height and muscle mass. Think Goliath (from the Bible) minus the bad attitude and with table manners. "Do have some, Castiel. They're delicious."  
"Thanks," Castiel mumbles, rubbing his hand. He takes a few and a plate and sits down at the table. I glare at my father, silently urging him to be nice. He raises an eyebrow at me before taking another half dozen tartlets. Dad eats enough for three people most of the time. I make a face at the tarts; goat cheese is a little too strong for me.  
"Mom and Dad, I'm going to show Castiel the rest of the house."  
"Sorry about all the boxes," Mom says absently as she stirs the gravy. "We're still in the process of moving."  
"Maybe this time we'll stay long enough to actually finish unpacking before we have to pack again," Dad says dryly. He grabs Tyler and tosses him over her shoulder, making Tyler screech. "Come, son. Let's go watch the pathetic excuse for a sport Americans call football."  
I roll my eyes at his back and drag Castiel by the hand up the back stairs to the second floor. My house is old enough that it has two sets of stairs: one in the front, and one in the back connected to the kitchen. Mom calls them 'servants stairs'. "I am so sorry," I say to Castiel once we reached the second floor. "My family is a bit insane."  
He glares at me, leaning against a wall and crossing his arms over his chest. "You didn't tell me your dad was Andre the Giant's little brother."  
"My bad?" I say, trying to keep the stunned tone out of my voice. "I didn't think it mattered."  
"He almost ripped my hand off," he growls.  
"Not even close," I say flippantly. "Now if he really wanted your hand, he would have taken it. Why are you being so grouchy?"  
"I am not grouchy," he says.  
"Then what's with the perma-glare and crossed arms?" I ask. "You're acting like it's some chore to be here."  
"It is," he says.  
I stare at him for a few moments, stunned he just said that. "Wow. Just... wow, Castiel." I can't even talk to him right now. I just can't. Fortunately my bedroom is two feet away. I slip in and close the door behind me, lodging my desk chair under the handle for good measure. I don't have a lock because Mom doesn't believe in them. Fire hazard or some nonsense. Right now I wish I had a steel door with an industrial lock so no one can get in. Especially not Castiel.  
I'll be the first to admit I'm prone to bouts of moodiness. After the thing with Jacob and the school turning on me I spent the first two weeks of my summer locked in my room. Dad had to physically drag me downstairs to eat and to the shrink the first few times. I take betrayal very badly and, honestly, I feel a little betrayed by Castiel right now. I invite him to my home, to my safe place, with my family and he treats it like it's a huge burden for him. What happened to the guy who's been showing himself the past few weeks? He's been kind and less grumpy. Now he's back to being mean. I can't handle this kind of mood switching from a guy again. I just can't.  
I don't know how long it is before I hear a knock on my door. "Pet, it's time for dinner. Do you want to come down?"  
"Is Castiel still here?" I ask just loudly enough so Dad can hear me.  
"Boy's parked himself on the front porch. Hasn't moved in half an hour. What on Earth did you say to him?" The doorknob rattles but the door doesn't budge. I hear Dad sigh. "And I wish you would stop shoving your chair under the doorknob."  
"If you'd let me get a lock I wouldn't have to use the chair," I mutter. I get up from my comfy spot on the bed and remove the chair, letting Dad open the door. I must look like a mess because he winces and reaches down to pet my hair back into place.  
"Your boyfriend is sitting out in the cold."  
"And may he rot out there," I grumble. "He's being a jerk, Daddy."  
Dad frowns and gently tugs my hair. "And you're being much better, letting him stew out there? Boy looks like he's about to implode. Or freeze to death."  
"He said it was a chore to be here," I say, still grumbling.  
"It is a chore the first time a boy comes to his girl's home," Dad says. "It's not fun to meet the parents. The first time I met your mum's dad I was so scared I couldn't say anything right. Even insinuated he was a bit of a fop, to my everlasting shame." I wince. Grandpa may dress a little oddly but he is definitely a ladies' man. "So give the boy a bit of a break, eh? He's nervous as a cat in a room of rocking chairs. And for God's sake, get him out of the cold before your mother has a nervous breakdown." I smile thinly and nod. And I grab my coat before I go outside.  
Like Dad said, Castiel is sitting on the porch steps, staring out into the street. And he doesn't have his coat on. It may be almost noon but it's still cold out here. I can see him shivering from the door. I sigh and roll my eyes. He can be so melodramatic. Said the pot to the kettle. So I grab his coat and gently toss it at him. "It's a bit cold to be outside, don't you think?"  
He doesn't even look at me as he pulls his coat on. His hair is out of its low tail so it hangs around his face like a curtain. "What do you want, Nico?"  
"I thought I'd ask what you're doing on my porch, Castiel," I say, "Since you said it was a chore to be here I would have thought you'd left by now."  
"Yeah, well you try getting thrown into the loony bin and see how well you react," he mutters.  
I can feel the anger rising, getting sharper. "Then go," I grit out from between clenched teeth. "If you don't want to be here, then go home. Enjoy your freezer meal." I turn on my heel and head towards the door. My hand is on the knob when his voice stops me.  
"So is this it then?"  
My hand freezes on the doorknob. Crap, I hadn't thought about that. Do I want us to be over already?  
"No," my mouth says before my brain can completely process. "But I can't do this back and forth thing. I can't go from you being nice to mean. I just can't."  
"This is how I am," he says gruffly. "I can't change it."  
"I don't think it is," I say. "I know you're a decent human being. You just hide behind the bad attitude. Not asking why, it's not my business unless you feel like sharing. But if you can't be bothered to work on it, then we're done. I've had enough of guys who change their actions every three seconds." I sigh and lean my head against the door. "I don't want it to end, chiot."  
I can feel his heat behind me. I can smell the leather of his coat and the whiff of cigarettes he can never seem to get rid of. I can almost hear his heart beating against the chest I've laid my cheek on for weeks now. A deep sigh ruffles my hair.  
"I'm sorry, katzchen. But... I can't."  
I hear his footsteps on the creaky old boards of the porch. In my mind, I see him head to his car. Get in. Key in the ignition. Door slams. Engine roars. And I am left alone on my porch in the cold.  
Happy Thanksgiving to me.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3  
I spend the rest of the weekend locked in my room, making like the Phantom of the Opera with my keyboard. The only time I leave is to devour my weight in leftovers. So by the time school starts on Monday I'm moody, bleary-eyed and about five pounds heavier. And without a boyfriend. Yipee.  
All I've thought about for three days is what went wrong. I don't think it was me, honestly. I was pretty upfront about my feelings. I let him know what I needed. And he couldn't handle it. If I could conjure up some emotion right now it may be anger. But instead all I feel is...blank. Blank, blank, blank.  
"Um, sweetie?" Iris's voice snaps me out of my blankness. "You're wearing two different shoes."  
I instantly look down. Yep. One green Converse, one black ballet flat. The ones I wore at Halloween. When Castiel and I first kissed. Which prompts my first real emotion of the day: sadness.  
"Whoops," I whisper.  
"What's wrong?" she whispers back. We're in History, doing group discussion on World War I. Or is it II? I really have no idea. Not that it matters since no one is talking about whatever war we're supposed to be talking about.  
"Castiel and I broke up," I say. Iris makes a weird noise, prompting the rest of the group to stare at her. She flushes and waves a hand at them, urging them to go back to their conversation.  
"What happened?" she asks, her eyes sad.  
"On Thanksgiving he was acting like a jerk and said it was a chore to be around me and my family. So I told him I was tired of his constantly changing attitude. And then he left. And we haven't spoken since."  
She gently squeezes my shoulder. "Are you ok, Nico?"  
I shrug. "Not sure, honestly." I stare down at my hands twisting around each other in my lap. I don't feel ok. I still feel rather blank inside. We don't talk for the rest of the period even though Iris looks like she wants to.  
Castiel isn't in math. I think I feel relieved and a bit worried. But they're gone before I can fully analyze the emotions. I spend lunch hiding under the bleachers in the gym. I don't really want to talk to anyone. After bio I hide there again for study period even though there's a freshman gym class going on and all they do is run up and down the bleachers. I can't even pretend to focus on my homework so I just stare at the shaking underside of the bleachers and try to resist the urge to see if Castiel is up on the roof despite the snow. Castiel's shoulders were shaking like these bleachers when he was sitting on my porch. Was he cold or was it something else?  
I barely make it to home ec in time. Iris keeps sneaking glances at me while she stitches on her felt handwarmer. Mine sits in pieces on the table as I try and fail to thread the needle.  
"Missed you at lunch today," she says casually. I shrug in response and try again to thread my needle. I wince when I accidentally prick my thumb and red streaks on the pale blue felt of my handwarmer. Castiel's hair is almost blood red.  
"Yeah, you know what? I don't think I'm not ok," I murmur. Iris stares at me for a moment before hugging me, even though we are in the middle of class.  
She walks me home, even though her house is in the opposite direction. She even stays for a few minutes and eats one of my mom's snack sized pies. I pick at mine because it's cherry.  
The rest of the week just drags on. It's amazing how much of my school activities revolved around Castiel. He shows up for math on Tuesday and doesn't look up from his desk the entire time. During club I pair with Dajan who constantly chastises me for my weak passing and lack of focus. I keep glancing at Castiel out of the corner of my eye, hoping he will look at me. But he never does. I keep hiding under the bleachers during lunch and study period. The only person I talk to is Iris and it's minimal and only during class. She keeps walking me home, though, even though I don't say anything. Kim keeps sending me texts asking how I am. I keep ignoring them and the ones from Nathaniel. I don't know how he found out since the only person I told was Iris. Who told Kim. Who may have told Luke. Who told God knows who else. Really, it's a miracle the whole school doesn't know. Or maybe they do. But I can't bring myself to care. At least Amber is suspended so I don't have to see her smug face in the halls.  
It's lunchtime on Friday when they find my hiding spot under the bleachers.

"Nico Grey!" Kim's voice echoes in the hollow space. She is glaring at me from the open side, her hands on her hips. "Get your butt out from under there or I will drag you out myself! And I will NOT be gentle!" So I sigh and untangle myself from my little nest of textbooks and blankets that still smell a little bit like Castiel. Wow I'm pathetic. Kim is still glaring at me but now her arms are crossed over her chest. Luke, Iris and Travis stand behind her like a group of bodyguards. I'm kind of hoping they'll be guarding me from Kim's temper. "It has been a WEEK," she snaps as soon as I am out from under the cover of the bleachers, "Since you bothered to text or call or even show up for lunch. I have been worried SICK about you! You've been moping around the school like someone DIED. The only reason I haven't kicked your excellent tush from here to California and back is because Iris said you need your space. Well, you know what?! No! I am through with your moping! We are taking you to my place after school. I will pick out an outfit and do your makeup. Then we are going OUT tonight so we can try and breathe some life back into you! And if you try and bail I will FIND you, DRAG you to my house and staple you into the fluffiest, pinkest dress I have and take you in public like that!"

And, with a satisfied grunt, she turns on her heel and marches out of the gym, Luke following behind her. Iris and Travis stay behind and try to hide their smiles. I just stare wide-eyed after Kim, making sure she isn't going to come back and yell at me some more. "She wouldn't really put me in a dress, would she?"

"She already has one picked out," Iris says primly. "It's quite adorable, really. You'd look just like a little doll."

This makes me shudder. "Guess I'll be going over after school. Please tell me you're coming with me. I don't want to be alone with her."

"I'll be there," Iris says. "Travis will come too, won't you?"

"Oh no," he says, waving his hands around. "She'll dress me up too. And I don't want to be the focus of her wrath once she's done with Nico."

"Thanks, Travis," I say dryly.

He grins and holds out his hand for a fist bump. "Missed you at lunch."

I smile and tap my fist against his. It's amazing, but I feel almost like myself again. Maybe I should have Kim berate me more often. Though I still feel like there's a big, cold rock in the center of my chest. But now I can kind of ignore it.

I spend my study period in the library, catching up on my math homework. I'm really not doing so well without a tutor. Maybe I'll see if the school can recommend one so I don't fail my final. I'd ask Nathaniel but... Yeah, I just can't. Even if Castiel and I aren't together... As much as Castiel dislikes Nathaniel, I feel like it would be bad to get Nathaniel to tutor me. Even if we aren't together anymore.

As soon as the last bell rings Iris drags me out to the front of the school where Kim is waiting. I am unceremoniously pushed into the back seat, barely getting my foot out of the way before Kim slams the door shut. She drives off without a word though she keeps glaring at me in the rearview mirror. I sigh and type a quick text to my mom to tell her I won't be back until late. I quickly get a positive response. I think Mom's been worried though she hasn't said anything. And Kim keeps glaring at me in the mirror, ignoring Iris's attempts at conversation. Finally I get tired of it and sigh.

"If I say I'm sorry will you stop glaring at me? I'm worried if you keep it up your face will stick that way."

"Maybe, but only if a certain SOMEONE also promises they will never drop off radar like that again."

I nod my head. "I'm sorry I worried you. And I promise if I feel the need to become a living zombie again I'll let you know first."

Kim shrugs. "Good enough, I guess."

"So... You won't make me wear the dress?"

She giggles. "No. Though you would have looked totally adorable in it." I smile for real for the first time in what seems like a thousand years.

Kim's house is a sprawling ranch a little outside town. She's the youngest of three and her siblings are all off at college so it's just her and her parents. Once her siblings moved out she claimed their bedrooms as her own, using both as storage for her clothes and fabric for making clothes. The first time I saw her collection it had made me stop dead in my tracks and ask what direction the fabric tornado had spun off to. Kim's not all that great at organization so most of her projects are strewn around one of the rooms along with heaps of fabric, ribbons and other trims. The other room is for finished pieces and Kim's daily wardrobe. I don't know how she finds the time to wear everything. As soon as we get inside Kim starts muttering under her breath about what she can put us in. I roll my eyes when her back is turned and whisper to Iris "Do you ever feel like we're her own life-sized Barbie dolls?" Iris giggles, catching Kim's attention.

"What did you say?"

"Just wondering where we're going tonight," I say.

Kim grins and actually starts rubbing her hands together. "One of the clubs in the city is having an eighteen and under night. There will be bands and dancing and games and it will be fun!"

I groan. "You really want to drive almost an hour to the city in this weather to pay too much to get in and twice that for a single soda?"

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" The scary glare is back on her face. It actually makes me flinch.

"No, ma'am," I mutter. Kim smirks and goes back to sorting through her clothes while Iris giggles at my misery. My friends are great. Very caring.

After almost half an hour of muttering to herself and discarding almost a dozen articles of clothing Kim hands me a burgundy tunic with kimono sleeves. "Here, try this on. I'll see if I can find some shoes for you. Good thing we wear the same size." I don't even argue. I just slide the tunic on and go to look at myself in a mirror. The square neck and sleeve edges have swirls of gold decorations that actually give my pale skin some color. The burgundy fabric drapes nicely and has a tie just under my boobs that make me look like I actually have them. However, Kim gives me a wide gold belt that cinches me in from under my boobs to my waist, almost like an obi belt, instead of the plain tie the shirt game with. She lends me knee-high brown boots with (thankfully) no heel and gold designs stamped onto the toes. To finish me off she loans me a thick gold bangle and gold hoops. I'm actually pleased by how shiny I am.

Iris has brought one of her own dresses to wear. It is a plush blue velvet with puffy sleeves and a short skirt that only falls to mid thigh. In concession to the cold weather she pulls on thick white tights. Her shoes are black leather booties with a thick heel and pointy toes. She pulls her hair out of her face with a white band and fastens a silver necklace that falls in layers of charms to her chest around her throat.

Kim's outfit consists of super flared jeans with so much embroidery on them it looks like she's walking knee deep in flowers. In contrast to so much color, her top is white and off shoulder, showing off the deep tones of her skin and excellent collarbones. She styles her hair into ringlets again but ties in strands of tinsel so that she sparkles under light. She puts sparkly rings onto almost every finger and finishes the outfit with stiletto boots the color of sunset: yellow and orange and red all swirled together like the sky. She does minimal makeup on all of us because, apparently, she doesn't want us to sweat off her good work. I get a hint of gold eyeshadow and brown liner that makes my green eyes pop. Iris' eyes shine with some silver liner and Kim lines her own eyes with kohl so she looks like a sexy pirate. Then, after raiding the kitchen for a light snack of fettuccini with shrimp and garlic bread (Kim's mom is on a rustic Italian kick) we pile into the car just as the sun is setting.

An hour and a half later (traffic was bad) we're in front of the club, staring up at the sign like a bunch of little kids. "The Silver, huh?" I say, absently rubbing my hands together to warm them in the chill air.

"Yep," Kim says with a grin. "Only club in a hundred mile radius that does eighteen and under nights."

"It looks crowded already," Iris says, a worried frown on her face. "Will we be ok in there?"

"It will be fine," Kim says. She grabs both of our hands and pulls us into the warm lobby. "Now let's have some fun!"

I have to admit, the inside of the club is very cool. Very industrial with metal spiral staircases leading up to catwalks suspended above the dance floor. It's pretty dark inside but there are some colored spotlights so we're not completely blind. There is no band yet so music is being piped through the huge speakers spaced evenly on the walls and ceiling. Even though it's pretty early there is a decent crowd. Kids gyrate on the dance floor or mill around the bar which only serves soda and water tonight. There is even a pool area in an alcove a few feet from the entrance lobby. We check our coats and head for the bar, weaving our way through the crowd. It's pretty hot in here with all these bodies. I actually have to grab Iris to keep her from falling over when someone accidentally knocks into her. She smiles at me in thanks and grabs my hand so we don't lose each other. Kim is already at the bar by the time we get there, accepting three Shirley Temples from the bartender. She passes one to Iris and me and then leads us to a seating area with tall tables to lean against and talk.

"Cheers, ladies!" she crows, holding up her drink in a toast. We clink glasses and sip, already starting to sway in time to the music. Once I swallow, Kim bumps her shoulder against mine. "But seriously, Nico. Are you ok?"

I shrug and stare down into the bubbly pink depths of my drink. "As long as I don't think about him too much, yeah. It's just so weird not having him around."

"I know what you mean," she says, nodding her head. "You guys have been almost joined at the hip since you came to school."

"I didn't think it would be like this," Iris sighs, stirring her drink with her straw. "Castiel was so different around you. Happier than he has been in years."

"Yeah, you guys have known him since freshman year, right?" I ask. As much as it hurts to talk about him, I want to know. "Was he always like this?"

Iris shakes her head. "No. He used to be a lot more mellow. He's never been super social but at least he wasn't as much of a jerk."

"Then halfway through last year, POOF!" Kim interjects. "He becomes Mr. Glower and Gloom. He disappeared for about a week after spring break and came back with a bad attitude and a bad dye job. No one knows for sure what happened." She quirks a brow at me, as if she expects me to know.

"We never talked about it," I mumble. "He wasn't ready to tell me. And I wasn't about to volunteer my story just to get his."

Iris nods and squeezes my shoulder in sympathy. "It will be ok, Nico."

"Yeah..." I take a deep breath and down the rest of my drink in one gulp. It makes me belch loud enough so some of the people at adjoining tables look at me funny. I stick my tongue out at them and smile at a giggling Kim and Iris. "Let's have some fun."

Just then, the lights dim and the music cuts off mid song. I have to stand on my toes and crane my neck to see that the first band has gotten on stage and is picking up their instruments. The crowd starts to converge on the dance floor, excited cheers rippling through the air. I guess these guys are pretty popular with this crowd. A male voice rips through the speakers, sending everyone into a frenzy of cheers. "Good evening, my friends. We are Bronze Dreams and we will be your opening act."

That voice makes me freeze. I recognize it right away. I turn my head to look at Kim and Iris. "Um, guys? What's Lysander doing here?" Lysander's voice keeps them from answering so I turn back towards the stage, trying to see over the crowd. Damn my short height. I actually climb on top of the table so I can see over the crowd, Iris and Kim hissing at me to get down before I fall.

"We will begin momentarily but first, our guest guitarist would like to do a solo performance." Applause rings out as a guy with bright red hair in a black tank top and ripped jeans moves to the front of the stage. My heart stops as I recognize Castiel. He holds his acoustic guitar and looks warily over the crowd as if he's looking for someone.

I glare down at Kim and Iris. "Did you guys know he was going to be here?!" I shout, feeling a ripple of anger flow through my chest.

"Castiel asked us to bring you here," Iris shouts back, her eyes pleading at me to understand. "He wanted to-"

"I don't care!" I shout, edging my way off of the table. "How could you guys do this to me?!" My feet hit the floor but I freeze because Castiel just said my name into the mike.

"Nico, this is for you." He takes a deep breath and starts strumming his guitar. I recognize it after the first few notes. During one study session where we had done more cuddling than studying, we were talking about music and I had admitted that one of my guilty pleasure bands was Hoobastank. He'd scoffed at me for liking a band that popular. But now here he is, singing one of their songs in front of a huge audience.

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've never actually heard Castiel sing before. He always refused to when I asked, saying he didn't like his voice. I actually like it. It's smoky and sort of harsh but it suits him. He must have done the acoustic arrangement for this song himself because it doesn't sound like any I've heard before.

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear

He's still scanning the audience, his eyes flitting from one person to another. I start to shake when I realize he's looking for me.

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you...

and the reason is you...

and the reason is you...

and the reason is yooouuuuuuuuu...

I push my way through the crowd, ignoring the angry shouts as I make my way to the front. Once I'm there, Castiel finally sees me and he smiles. I just stare wide eyed, shocked by what I'm seeing. Castiel isn't like this. He would never put himself out there like this. He's too indrawn, too stubborn, and too prideful to make himself a spectacle. He hates this band. He hates singing. But there he is, looking at me like I'm the only person on the planet.

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you...

Once the song ends and the crowd is cheering and applauding, he hands Lysander his guitar and jumps off the stage right in front of me. He pulls me into his arms and, in front of everyone, tilts my head up for a kiss. The cheers turn into whoops and catcalls but he just keeps holding me, his lips against mine. And right this second it's all I care about. Because even though he hurt me, he's hurting himself right now by exposing so much in front of so many. And that means something, right?

I don't know how it happened but we're backstage in one of the dressing rooms with the door closed. I can barely hear the crowd outside or the music from Lysander's band. "I thought you and Lysander had a band."

"This is his other band," Castiel says. "Most of the guys are in college though so it's hard for them to play together anymore."

"Oh." I look around the room. Pretty sparse, with only a mirror on one wall and a beat-up old couch. "Good soundproofing in here."

Castiel shakes his head and chuckles at me. "You are the most random girl."

I shrug and sit down on one end of the couch, my arms crossed as I look anywhere but at him. "So what's the deal, Castiel?" I ask. "Since you made it pretty clear I'm a chore for you, why am I here? Why go to all this effort for someone who isn't worth your trouble?" Now that the shock has worn off I'm pretty angry again. I don't take kindly to being deceived. Castiel actually looks pretty nervous. He's running his fingers through his hair, pacing a little, cracking his knuckles... He looks like he's trying to decide what to say. I watch him but if he glances at me I look away. Finally he takes a breath and starts talking.

"Nico, I'm really sorry about how I acted at Thanksgiving. I was... A little messed up. More than a little," he adds when he sees my raised brow. "I mean, yeah, it was hard to be there, but not for the reasons you think. But kind of for the reasons you think, but not totally. And... ARGH!" He punches the wall, his first connecting with a solid thunk that makes me jump. "I'm screwing this up. I really just wanted to let you know how sorry I am and how the only thing I've been able to think of since that day was how badly I screwed up. And every time I saw you it just made me realize how much of an idiot I was. So... I just wanted to do something to show I'm sincere. I do want to be better guy for you. I just don't know if I can."

I regard him for a moment. He's leaning against the wall he punched, forehead pressed there and his face hidden in the crook of his arm. The knuckles on his hand are bleeding sluggishly and dripping down his arm. His shoulders are slumped. He looks so... Defeated. Like he's expecting me to kick him when he's down. Part of me wants to because he was such a jerk. But the bigger part of me knows he's sincere. He sang a song by a band he hated for me in front of a huge group. And though I don't really approve he did arrange for me to be dragged out here so he could do it.

I sigh and stand up. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him, hugging him from behind. I rest my forehead between his shoulder blades and feel him tense and then relax. "You're an idiot," I murmur, taking a deep breath so I can smell him. I hadn't realized how much I missed his scent of leather, sunshine and cigarettes. "But I'm not much better if I think I can make you change that much right away. So let's take it slow, ok? One step at a time. And I'll help if you want me to."

"Of course I do," he grumbles. His hand covers both of mine on his stomach. "Can we try again? I'll do better this time, I promise."

"Just tell me what's troubling you when it happens, instead of acting like a jerk. Ok?"

"Ok." He turns around and wraps me in his arms, burying his face in my hair. "I'm so sorry, Nico."

"I forgive you," I say, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "This time. And I'm still mad about you having Kim and Iris trick me into coming here." He chuckles and kisses me gently. I kiss him back and take his non-bleeding hand. "Let's get you fixed up. Then go kill Kim and Iris."


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

I would be lying if I said everything was alright after that. Even though Castiel apologized a thousand times and I said I forgive him it's different between us now. It's more reserved, less fun and lighthearted when we're together. It's like we're dancing around each other and the floor is covered in nails and eggshells. You never know when you'll step on something that can't be fixed or will hurt you. Or both. But we're trying and taking everything at a snail's pace. We hardly touch. And as much as I miss being affectionate I can't help but be guarded around him. But we've already established that I have issues.

"I hate Christmas," I mutter, shoving my hands deeper into the pockets of my jacket. The snow is falling pretty steadily now and I haven't seen clear ground in days. I kick at a clump of snow, wincing when the toe of my boot connects with something solid and sends a dart of pain up my leg. "Ow."

"That's what you get for denying the Christmas spirit," Castiel says with a smirk. We're taking our dogs on a walk around the park. They seem to be enjoying the snow, the crazy things. But they're covered in nice warm fur. Even with what feels like a thousand layers on I'm still chilly.

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He's wearing a knee-length black leather coat, black boots, black jeans and a black sweater. "So says the guy wearing more black than a metal band," I mutter. "Very Christmas-y."

He shrugs and gives a tug to Demon's leash, warning big the dog off of a very frightening bush that looked to attack him. "Black traps heat and keeps you warmer."

"Even leather?" I ask, letting a little leash go so Maisie can keep up with Demon on her shorter legs.

"It's lined," he says. We lapse back into silence except for the occasional commands to our dogs. I almost wish he would take my hand so we could at least pretend to be a couple. But he hasn't initiated contact since that kiss in front of the crowd at The Silver. I realize it's probably because he doesn't want to push me but it's kind of hurtful. Even though I still don't trust him again. But he's trying. He's been kinder in general, even to Nathaniel. Which is a little weird but nice. He's being nice. And it weirds me out. But isn't that what I wanted? He's being more open with his feelings, which I wanted, but he's withdrawing because I'm leery of him, which I didn't want and annoys me because it's me and I can't make my thinking change. God love a duck, why is this so complicated?

We're at the end of our walk and about to go our separate ways when Castiel asks me what my Christmas plans are. "We're going to my grandparent's place in Oregon," I say. "It's a family tradition and mini reunion."

"When are you leaving?"

"Day after finals are over. But I'll be back for Kim's new year's party. Why?"

"Well," he says, suddenly looking a little away from me. I swear he blushes a little. "Do you want to do something after finals? Get some food, walk around downtown. They have some decorations up and an ice rink. Or not. Whatever you want."

I blink at him as I consider. We haven't been on a date since we got back together. It's mostly been us hanging out under the bleachers during study since the roof is covered in snow (he likes my hiding spot) and walking our dogs together on weekends. Any other time our friends or classmates are around. And I sure as heck haven't brought him to my house again. So yeah, no dates for awhile. But going on one right before I leave sounds nice.

"Sure," I say. "Do you want to meet downtown?"

"I thought we could meet up when our finals are done," he says. "Then I'll drive you home. At a reasonable time so your father doesn't kill me"

This makes me smile. "I'd like that."

He smiles back and looks a little relieved, like he thought I would say no. "Cool. Maybe we can exchange gifts then, too."

I swear I can feel my soul freeze over. Gifts? I didn't even think about getting him a present! Great gobs of green gravy, what do I even GET him?! "S-sure," I say, hoping he doesn't catch my stammer. "That sounds fine with me."

He grins and waves a black-gloved hand at me as he walks away with Demon. "See you tomorrow," he calls over his shoulder. "Math final. 10am sharp. If you want to review a little before, text me." He waves once at me before stuffing his hands back into his pockets. I wave back, albeit half-heartedly. How can I concentrate on my math final when I have to get a present for my... person I am dating who is almost a boyfriend but not quite because I haven't made up my mind about how I feel? Shoot. Why is this so complicated?

The instant Castiel is out of sight I dig my phone from my pocket and call Iris. Before she can even say hello I start yelling into the phone. "IRIS WHAT SHOULD I GET CASTIEL FOR CHRISTMAS?!"

There is a pause that seems to last an eternity. Then, thankfully, she speaks. "Um, hi Nico. Is everything ok?"

I sigh and start walking home, trying to keep an eye on where my feet are going, my dog and my phone all at the same time. "No, not ok. I don't know what to get Castiel for Christmas. And he wants to exchange presents before I leave for Oregon."

"Oh. You didn't get him anything?"

"That's what I just said," I groan while trying to pull Maisie away from a small Yorkie walking in the opposite direction. "It didn't occur to me."

"Apparently," Iris says and I swear I can feel her smile over the phone. "Do you need a shopping buddy?"

"I need IDEAS first!" I say. "THEN we can make with the shopping!"

"Why didn't you ask Lysander first? Isn't he Castiel's best friend?"

I stop in my tracks, making Maisie yelp when her collar is suddenly pulled back by her leash. "Odin's pants, I didn't even think of that! See, this is why I call you! Because you're the one with the ideas!"

Iris giggles. "No problem. If you need a shopping buddy, let me know, ok?"

"Sure sure. Thanks Iris!" We hang up and I instantly dial up Lysander. I've never actually called him before. We've sent texts once or twice but only to confirm meet ups for jam sessions. In fact, we've never hung out just the two of us before.

"Yes?" he says to answer his phone. Charming.

"Hey Lysander, can I ask you something?"

"You just have," he says crisply.

"Very funny," I say dryly. "Listen, I need a favor. Can you help me find something to Castiel for Christmas?"

"Why have you not asked him yourself?"

I sigh. "Because he already got me something and I don't want him to know I haven't gotten him anything yet. Now are you going to help me out or what?"

His sigh echoes my own. "Have you given any thought to making him something instead of buying a gift? I do not think any other girl has given him a homemade gift before. I believe it would be meaningful to him."

"Seriously, how many other girls have their been?" I growl, prompting a soft chuckle from Lysander. "Whatever. Thanks for your help, Lysander. Merry Christmas."

"And a joyful Yuletide to you as well," he says before hanging up. Such a weirdo... And what do I even make for Castiel? I make him food all the time, so that's out. My sewing skills are mediocre at best so that will be a last resort. But we started the basics of knitting last week in home ec and it was surprisingly easy for me. So I'll knit him something. But what should I knit him? All I can do right now is straight lines, so a scarf comes to mind. But scarves are boring and I've never seen him wear one. Ditto hats. I don't think I can knit a pair of gloves in the time I have before we exchange gifts. Plus I have finals to study for and papers to write. So something simple, straight lines and not a scarf. Hokay. Time to do some research.

A quick search on the internet for 'easy knit projects that are not a scarf' turns out very little. Looks like most beginner projects are scarves. Maybe washcloths. Or, if I had tons of time, lots of little knit squares sewn together to make a blanket. A deeper search leading me through several blogs brings more ideas, like pot holders and ties. But the one that catches my attention is a guitar strap. Now this I like. For one thing, it's simple, one long rectangle with some holes in the ends for the guitar pegs. Second, it's practical; I like giving gifts that can be useful. Third, I can whip this out in a few evenings of free time. Now I just need to buy the yarn. So out into the cold I would have to go. Again. I beg my mother for a ride to the craft store so I don't have to walk (I don't drive. And biking is impossible in this weather). Fortunately, my mom the June Cleaver wannabe is in need of a new mini muffin pan and is willing to take me.

If you've never been in the yarn section of a craft store, here is my advice: DON'T GO BACK THERE. Everything is tangled and there are old women back there fighting with each other over the best brand of wool yarn to make socks. Fortunately I make it out of there alive with a roll of black cotton yarn and some knitting needles. I even grab a small skull patch I figure I can use to decorate the strap so it doesn't look so... Monochrome. It takes half an hour to drag my mom away from the baking section and by the time we are home I'm exhausted and panicking about my lack of study time for the day. So I cram like a maniac for the rest of the evening and fall asleep with my notebook under my pillow, hoping it will help me further absorb information while I sleep.

Of course I oversleep and have to rush to school the next morning. Fortunately Dad was able to give me a ride on his way to work or I would have missed the final entirely. Castiel raises a brow at me when I run into the room with only seconds to spare with my coat still on and panting from the heat. Fortunately the test goes smoothly and I think I actually passed with more than a 'D'. Which is better than I can say for my previous math final at my old school. This is the only final I have today so I ask Castiel for a ride home. As soon as he pulls up to my place I bolt inside with the excuse that I have papers to finish, but not before I surprise him with a hug as a thank you for the ride.

And so I spend the next three days: finals in the mornings/afternoons, evenings spent alternating studying with knitting the guitar strap. Once I've gotten the hang of making the holes for the guitar's pegs it's a fairly simple project, just row after row of regular knit stitches. I finish it up the night before my last final and my date with Castiel. I attach the little skull patch near the shoulder area and, feeling adventurous, take some red felt left over from Mom's Christmas projects and sew it to the back of the strap to make it stronger and give it more color. I even sew in a little pocket he can use to hold spare guitar picks. Pleased with myself, I wrap it in a little box and put sparkly green bow on top. Just because I know the glitter will make Castiel cringe.

I can't pay attention at all during my final the next day. Fortunately all we're doing is turning in a paper and watching an episode of the British show Blackadder. My history teacher is cool like that. I keep catching myself glancing at the clock, impatiently waiting for both hands to stop at the 12. I'm actually nervous, and I think it shows in how I dressed today: tight jeans, boots that lace up to my knees, an emerald turtleneck with a white vest over. I borrowed Iris' multilayer charm necklace and a silver cuff from my mother. I even re-did my hair with streaks of green and red for the holidays. And I'm wearing makeup that Kim didn't put on me. Apparently I'm actually looking forward to this date.

I'm up and out of my seat the second the bell rings. I quickly clear out the few things left in my locker before heading out to the courtyard to wait for Castiel. With all the students milling around it's hard to find anyone so I stand up on a bench to try and see if I can spot Castiel's rather distinctive hair color. Suddenly I wonder if he does it himself since I now know it's not his natural shade. The image of him bending over a sink touching up his roots makes me giggle. Then I imagine him at a salon with his hair full of foils under a dryer reading about the newest trends in nail color from an old Cosmo. This makes my laughter increase until I'm almost doubled over and laughing like an insane person.

"Ohmigawd. Look at the freak, girls. Laughing like a psycho with no one around. Do you think she's even mentally stable?" I look up to see Amber standing in front of me, smirking with her cronies, as always, right behind her. She's tarted up in a obscenely tight white snow suit that really shouldn't be allowed on school grounds but covers enough that it's still technically ok. Her blonde curls are tucked under a white hood lined with white fur. The only color on her is her bright pink lips, which are still turned up in a smirk directed at me. "I swear, I don't know how anyone can stand to be around you. I'd be scared of having the crazy rub off on me."

"And yet here you are," I say, hopping down off the bench. "Always around when you're not wanted. Who actually let you back in school, anyway?"

She sniffs and doesn't answer that question. "It's a shame Castiel is wasting so much time with you when he could be with someone better suited to him."

"And a shallow cow like you suits him better?" I say, quirking a brow at you. "Even though he told you POINT BLANK he isn't interested at least four times?" Her face reddens and her eyes narrow until they are glittering blue slits. Charlotte and Lin inch closer like they're ready to grab her if she does anything stupid. Which is likely to happen soon.

"He's just distracted by you, he'll come around eventually," she hisses. I roll my eyes at that.

"Broken record much?" With that I turn on my heel and walk away from her, waving over my shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date. With my boyfriend. Maybe you know him? Tall, red-haired, perpetually surly? And NOT into you." I ignore her muffled curse and walk away grinning. Oh yeah, it's nice to be back in the swing of things.

Castiel is out in front of the school, leaning in front of his car with his black leather trench on. Feeling gleeful at putting Amber in her place and more than a little excited for our date I jump into his arms, hoping that he'll catch me. He does, albeit with a surprised look on his face that quickly changes to a smile. His smile widens when I kiss him, arms around his neck and feet dangling off the ground. "Well hey there," he says when I pull away. "Not that I'm complaining but what was that for?"

I shrug, still clinging to him. "Holiday spirit? The devil made me do it? I felt like it? Take your pick." He chuckles at this and kisses me again, gently and sweetly. I didn't realize how much I missed this. It's almost worth it to let my guard down again just for moments like this. "So," I say once we disengage again, "What's your plan?"

He shrugs and puts me down carefully so I don't slip on the ice prevalent in the parking lot. "I thought we could get some lunch. Then maybe some ice skating. After that... It's up to you, katzchen."

I smile at that. "Sure thing, chiot. Let's have some fun."

The drive to downtown is actually pleasant. We listen to my iPod for once and I make him listen to Caravan Palace. He actually likes it, not that he would admit it. We have lunch at a little cafe popular with students from the high school and the junior college. It's crowded but we manage to get a table in a corner by the window. We watch people walk by, downtown being crowded by shoppers even this early in the day. Halfway through he reaches out and takes my hand from across the table. He looks like he expects me to pull away, eyes all vulnerable and puppy like. So, just to spite him, I don't pull away. I even squeeze his hand gently and this makes him smile. I like this smile. But part of me is waiting for the mean Castiel to come back out.

After lunch we walk a few blocks to where the city has set up a ice rink. For a few dollars we rent some skates and make an attempt to actually glide on the ice. Neither of us is very good at this, apparently. But it's still rather fun.

"Whose idea was this?" I ask as I wobble around the rink, trying hard to glide but instead stumbling around like a drunk. One hand refuses to let go of the barrier around the ice while the other clutches at Castiel's hand. He chuckles at me.

"Just lift your feet more," he says. "Glide."

"I'm trying," I mutter. "These things are heavier than I thought."

"Let's take a break," he says, gently pulling me towards the exit. We stumble out onto the rubber matting they have outside the rink so people don't slip and fall while trying to balance on thin shards of metal. He helps me sit on an empty bench. "Want some cocoa?"

I nod. "Marshmallows, too, if they have it."

He grins. "Absolutely. I'll be back in a sec." With that he totters off towards the snack stand and I giggle to watch him try and walk macho with skates on. I sit and alternate between watching him and the people in the rink. A sudden and familiar flash of white makes me pause and turn to where all the bags are kept. Someone who looks a lot like Amber is over by the bags and appears to be looking for something. I sigh and pull off my skates so i can get over there quicker. Please let me be wrong about her for once.

And I'm not. She looks like she's shifting through the bags, looking for one in particular. I'm already grumpy by the time I get there because my socks have been drenched in ice melt from other people's skates. As soon as I'm behind her I see she's got my backpack in her hands and is about to open it. "Seriously, Amber?" I say, startling her into dropping the bag. She turns and looks at me with narrowed eyes. "Why do you keep doing crap like this? It's getting old."

"I... I..."

I raise a brow at her. "No snarky comeback? No calling me names?"

Her eyes are practically glowing with anger. "You horrid, disgusting FREAK. How are you always around like this? How do you always KNOW?!"

"Well you're not exactly subtle," I retort. "You're about as sneaky as a three-legged bull in a china shop." With that her face turns bright red and she raises her hand like she's about to slap me. When her hand is an inch from my face it stops, her wrist grabbed by a masculine hand with long fingers.

"For Chrissakes, Amber," Castiel grumbles. "This is getting really old."

"That's what I just said," I say, taking a step away from them. Amber is fighting against Castiel, trying very hard to get away from him so she can attack me. Our cocoa's are forgotten on a nearby bench. As soon as I glance back at Castiel and Amber I regret it. She's clinging to him now, her fingers buried in his hair as she tries to pull his face down to hers. Her lips brush his for a milisecond before he pushes her away.

"Amber, what the hell!?" he sputters, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

"No, don't push me away," she pleads, reaching for him again. "Come back to me, Castiel. It will be like it was when we were kids, you don't have to feel all the pain this FREAK-" this is directed at me, along with a venomous glare- "puts you through. I'll never do that to you."

"Because you did already," Castiel says coldly. "It's not happening, Amber. I'm not falling for your crap again. The only reason you want me again is because you can't have me." He slings an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. "Nico doesn't put me through all the hoops you did. So, for the last time, forget it. I'm not going to be with you." He reaches past her for my backpack and our shoes and hands them to me. She tries to grab him again but he evades her, ignoring her like she isn't even there. "Come on, Nico. Let's go." I nod and pull on my boots, thankful the laces are for show and they really zip up the back. Though now that my socks are frozen and wet I'll have to change them soon or I may get frostbite. We leave Amber by the bags looking like a frozen statue in her all-white getup.

As soon as we leave the rink I pull Castiel into an alley. "Look, I promised not to pry as long as you didn't, but I have to ask: how long is Amber going to keep doing this? Cuz I'm getting really tired of her attacking me."

He sighs and slumps against the wall, hands in his coat pockets. "She's always been really... tenacious. I wish I could tell you when she'll stop but I honestly don't know."

I sigh and lean into him, tucking my head against his chest. "Fantastic."

"Hey," he says, tilting my chin up to meet his eyes. "She doesn't mean anything to me. Not the way you do. And I don't know how many times I can apologize for the things I said on Thanksgiving."

"I think a few more times wouldn't hurt," I say with a smile.

He smiles back at me. "And on that note..." He pulls a box from his pocket. It's wrapped in silver paper with a red bow on top. "Merry Christmas." I pull the paper off and stuff it and the bow in my coat pocket. It's a small black velvet box about the size of my palm. I flip it open to reveal a silver chain with a black and silver pick charm. "It's the pick I used when I, um, played that song for you," he says, rubbing the back of his head shyly. "I thought it would help remind you that I do care, even when I'm being an ass."

I feel like my smile will split my cheeks when I slip the long chain over my head. "It's perfect, Castiel. Thank you." I stare at the pick, liking the silver swirls decorating the black plastic. I stand on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. "I like it."

"I'm glad," he says, flushing slightly. Before I can forget, I reach into my backpack for his gift. As predicted, he winces at the glittery bow on the gift. "Really, Nico?"

"Mmhmm," I giggle. "Merry Christmas." I watch eagerly as he opens the present. His eyes light up as he lifts the strap from the box.

"How did you know I needed a new one?" he says, fingering the knitting. Suddenly his eyes widen. "Wait... Nico, did you make this?"

I blush and nod. "Yeah."

He stares at me for a moment before grabbing me up in a hug. He buries his face in my hair and breathes deep. "I don't deserve you." This makes me freeze in his arms. A deep warmth fills my stomach at his words. "Thank you, Nico," he says. "This is the best present ever."

"I'm glad you like it," I mumble against his shoulder. "I didn't even bleed over it or anything." He chuckles at that and lets me go just enough to kiss me. It's amazing how safe I feel right now in an alley with tons of people passing by. I feel safe enough with Castiel to let him kiss me in public and hold my hand again. Maybe this is a good way to start over.

Merry Christmas to me.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Christmas is normal for my family, meaning it's a quietly chaotic affair. I have a lot of family on Mom's side (Daddy's parents died when I was young and he doesn't have any siblings) and we all get together at my grandparent's place in Oregon over the holiday. Since there's so many of us it's hard to give gifts the normal way from one person to another. Instead we have a mafia-style White Elephant gift exchange. Everyone brings a random gift and we draw numbers to see who goes first. Gifts can be stolen three times before they're considered unstealable. This year, I got a ceramic pitcher shaped like a pig in a butler uniform. My brother lucked out and got a huge tin of Moose Mix. Lucky snot. He devoured the whole thing the night we exchanged gifts and spent the rest of the evening throwing it back up. Maybe not so lucky snot.

As much as I enjoyed seeing my family I missed Castiel like crazy. I never took off the necklace he gave me. I found myself attached to my phone, waiting for a text from him. I hate my phone. I hate using the phone. But there I was, staring at the evil and bright little screen from the moment I woke up until my head hit the pillow again when I went to sleep. We did text fairly often. Barely an hour would go by without him sending me a little note or a silly picture that would make me smile. I think he was lonely. From what I understand, his parents are kind of cold. They only celebrate holidays together out of social convention instead of a real want to be together. As much as he messed up on Thanksgiving I want to pull him away from that family and into mine. We may be crazy but at least we love each other.

I'm packed and ready to leave hours before everyone else. The flight is delayed by a few hours due to snow. My favorite thing. The only thing that distracts me is my iPod full of music. Castiel gave me some Winged Skull to listen to while I was away. I actually like it, even though my music taste doesn't usually lean towards hard rock. Maybe he's rubbing off on me more than I thought. Next thing you know I'll be dying my hair an unnatural red and wearing nothing but shades of red and black. And brooding against walls like an angst machine.

I hate flying slightly more than I hate snow. So I try to sleep through the flight but my sleep is ruined by Tyler kicking the back of my chair. I take vengeance by grabbing his ankle and pulling until he falls forward and gets stuck between the chairs. Little buttmunch. My mother isn't pleased with us but Daddy is on my side. He saw Tyler doing it so figures he got what he deserved. My dad is cool like that.

It seems like it takes an eternity to land, get our bags and get the car from long term parking. By then the sun is going down and I'm as jittery as a jalapeno in a jar. Iris was supposed to pick me up at my place but I convince my parents to take me straight to Kim's instead. They take my bags and leave me with my backpack containing a change of clothes, toiletries and a few more miscellaneous items. I don't think Daddy is entirely pleased that I'll be spending New Year's with a bunch of friends but since I'm almost eighteen he lets me anyway. Again, my dad is pretty cool.

Kim is already at the house with Luke and Travis (Iris couldn't come, something about her family and traditions involving a chainsaw). Hugs are shared before Kim introduces me to our 'chaperones' for the evening. Her older siblings are both in college and over the age of twenty-one. For some reason this makes them responsible adults. Her sister, Bea, is very mellow and wears a long skirt with a long-sleeved shirt and sensible boots. She can actually be considered an adult, especially when she glares at you through her wire-rimmed glasses. Her brother, on the other hand, is more like Kim except... crazier. Rio's thick black hair is trimmed into a mohawk and tipped with neon blue highlights. He has piercings and tattoos all over the place; it's hard to keep track of them all. He's also really funny and, dare I say it, kind of cute in a punk rock kind of way. He has a nice smile and laughs and dances with everyone, including Travis and Luke. He even gets me drinks, handing them to me with graceful flourish. But as soon as I spot Castiel walking in an hour after I arrive I toss back my half-finished drink aside and launch myself at him. His arms open and he smiles that smile I only see on him when he's looking at me. I bury my face against his throat and just inhale as deep as I can. Sunlight, leather and cigarette smoke. Yum.

"Get a room!" Travis yells, jolting me away from Castiel. I feel myself blush bright red and Castiel even takes on a pink tinge. I glare at Travis and catch a glimpse of Rio at the same time. He looks a bit... wistful, for some reason. Wonder why.

"Bug off, Travis!" I yell back, hooking a arm around Castiel's waist and pulling him close. "I haven't seen my boyfriend in... awhile! I do what I want!"

Castiel quirks a brow at me. "Nico, you ok?" He leans down and sniffs at me. "Have you been-"

"Nico!" Kim calls, flapping her hand at me. "Come over here a sec?"

"Mmkay," I call back. I hug Castiel and skip over to Kim. Skipping is fun. "What's up?" I ask her once I reach her.

"Sweetie, are you ok? You're acting kind of weird."

"I feel great," I say. "Very...bubbly."

"Uh huh," she drawls. "Now, I hate to ask, but did you drink anything my brother gave you?"

"Ah-yup," I say cheerfully. "Yummy juice."

She sighs dramatically. "Oh for... RIO! Come here!"

Rio saunters over and I can't help but notice how very tight his jeans are. Yum. "Yeah, sis?" he asks. His gaze flicks over to me and he winks, making me giggle and blush. Kim glares at him.

"Rio, were you giving Nico drinks from your stash?" she says, her glare becoming glacial. Rio holds his hands up like he's warding her off.

"Can I plead the fifth?"

"BEA!" Kim screams. Bea is there like she had been waiting for something like this. "Our dear brother gave Nico drinks from his stash."

If Kim's glare is scary and glacial, Bea's is demonic and the next Ice Age. "Rio. What. Were. You. THINKING?!"

"It's not a decent New Year unless people are having a good time," he protests, crossing his arms over his chest.

"People do NOT have to drink to have a good time," Bea grinds out from between clenched teeth. "Are especially when they are underage and don't know they're drinking!"

Rio blinks. "Crap, she's underage?"

"Seriously, look what you did to Nico!" Kim interjects. "She's all... Happy!"

"Hey, I AM happy," I mumble. "I am a basket of sunshine and daisies."

Rio snorts out a laugh and grins at me. "Of course you are, gorgeous."

I blink at him and blush. "You think I'm gorgeous?"

Kim snaps her fingers under my nose. "Nico! Focus! You have Castiel, remember?"

"Castiel! Where's Castiel? I missed him!"

"Why do all the hot ones have boyfriends and are underage?" Rio mutters. Kim and Bea roll their eyes in unison.

"Nico, sweetie, go talk to Castiel. Bea and I need to have a chat with our brother."

"Mmkay," I say and skip off again to find Castiel. I hear a yelp behind me but don't bother to look to see what Rio's fate is. Right now all I can think about is Castiel. And maybe getting another drink because I'm thirsty.

I find Castiel in the living room, sprawled out on a couch with Tyler and Luke watching a movie. Ignoring the other boys, I sit down on Castiel's lap, tuck my head under his chin and wrap my arms around his chest. I feel him stiffen and Travis and Luke's eyes bore into me. I glare at Travis, who is the only one in my line of sight. "Whatchoo lookin' at, Travis?"

He quickly glances away. "Nothing. Nothing at all." I grumble at him at wiggle closer to Castiel, who's stiff as a board.

"Cassie baby, why won't you cuddle me?"

"Cassie baby?" he mutters, glaring down at me through lowered lashes. Which are very long and dark and lovely. I kind of want to kiss them. "That's a new one."

"I missed you," I coo, nuzzling his neck. "It's been forever since I saw you."

He coughs and his cheeks turn pink. "It's only been a few days."

"For-ev-er," I say, drawing the word out and giggling as it rolls across my tongue. "Eeehhh-vvveeeerrrrrr."

Castiel chuckles and kisses my hair. I tilt my head up quickly and capture his lips, putting a hand behind his head so he can't pull away. He tastes like the Coke he was drinking with something spicy and sweet added to it. I want to taste more and try to deepen the kiss. The sound of a throat clearing makes me break away and glare at Luke. "What?!"

"Get a room," Luke says with a grin and a wink. "I'm pretty sure Kim's second room is open." He looks over her shoulder into the other room and winces. "She's still busy with Rio and Bea."

"Yay!" I giggle. I stand and grab Castiel's hand, dragging him up. "Come with me, Cassie baby." He fights me a little but I refuse to let go of his hand as I pull him down the hall to Kim's second room, which used to be Bea's room but is now her clothing storage and guest room. Something makes me hesitate at the doorway but I plunge forward anyway, pulling Castiel to the bed and sitting down on the edge. My brain feels fuzzy and weird and warm and sitting seems to help. Lying down sounds even better. So I toe off my shoes and lay down, patting the space next to me for Castiel. He hesitates, then shrugs out of his jacket and pulls off his boots after making sure the door is closed. He lays down next to me on his side, curled towards me with his arm outstretched. I lay my head on his bicep (which is delightfully taunt and warm) and curl into him, staring up into his eyes. He grins crookedly at me. "So, now what?"

"I don't know," I say, suddenly very nervous. "What do you think?"

"I think you're drunk," he says. "And you need to lay down for a bit to let it work through your system."

"But I didn't have any alchamahols," I pout. "Just juice."

"Juice that smells like tequila?" he says. "And rum?"

"Rum!" I say. "That's what was in your Coke!"

"Yeah, just a little. But unlike some people-" he pokes me gently- "I know how to hold my liquor."

"I've never drank before," I mutter, hiding my face in his neck. "Is that right? Never drank before?"

"I don't know," he says. "I'm not good at English." I shrug and nuzzle into his neck. I can't resist and lick the spot right where his jaw and neck meet under his chin. He's salty and sweet and smoky and warm. A short groan escapes his lips and he pulls away. He's shaking slightly but still smiling. "Christ, Nico, there's only so much a guy can take."

I blink at him, not quite understanding. I want to kiss him again but he's giving me this strange look. It's warm and kind but hard and sexy as hell. So I stretch up and kiss him again, feeling free and delicious. Maybe most of it is the liquor but I've wanted to do this for such a long time now. And now that little voice that usually tells me to stop is muted, like it's yelling at me from behind a closed door down the hall. But I don't want to stop anyway. I want more. I open my mouth to deepen the kiss and he follows my lead, tangling his hands in my hair and twisted the strands around his fingers. There's a little pain as he tugs at my hair but I ignore it, focusing instead on the warmth of his mouth and the feel of his tongue and lips and chest and- Oh. Oh, that's what he meant. I feel my face heat up to the point of boiling. But I keep kissing him because it's wonderful. I'm flying while I'm laying in bed.

After what feels like an eternity of being warm and free he pulls away, breath ragged, and leans his forehead against mine. I'm also breathing a bit hard (God love a duck, brain, do NOT go there!) and clutching at his shoulders. I feel my face get even more red when I see the mark I left on his neck at some point. "Um... My bad."

He just chuckles. "This isn't my first hickey, Nico. It's not a big deal."

"Seriously, one of these days someone is going to have to tell me how many girls you've gone with," I mumble. He just shakes his head and kisses my forehead.

"You've got one too, you know," he says with a smirk. I make a noise like a mouse being stepped on and twist around, trying to see my own neck. Castiel sets his lips over the mark and bites down lightly. I close my eyes and try very hard not to make another embarrassing noise. He chuckles at me and the sound is very deep and masculine and makes me shiver deep in my bones. "You're too freaking adorable," he murmurs. "You've really never had a drink before?"

I shake my head. "No. Never really felt like it."

"Well I'm not sorry this is how your first time turned out. First time drinking, I mean."

I think for a moment and hide my face in his chest before I speak. "I haven't had one of those, either," I say into his chest. He's calmed down in the past few minutes but now his heart starts racing again.

"I wouldn't force you," he says gruffly. "Especially when you're not all here."

"I know," I say, still hiding against his chest. "I trust you. Hence me being here in bed with you. Which is another thing I've never done before."

"Made out in bed with a boy?" he asks.

I shake my head. "There was one boy who wanted to. But I couldn't with him. He... Wasn't who I thought he was."

Castiel hooks a finger under my chin and makes me look up at him. "Did he hurt you?" His brown eyes are tense and angry but his fingers are gentle.

I shake my head again. "He tried. I got away before he did." He pulls me close to him, holding me tight. Almost tight enough that he's about to crush me.

"Is he the reason you moved here?" he asks the crown of my head.

"Yeah. I couldn't be at my old school with him still there. They... No one believe me but my family."

He lets out a deep sigh. "Bastard. But if you hadn't moved, we wouldn't have met."

"That's a positive way to think about it," I say. "I am glad I met you."

"Me too," he says, kissing me softly. A loud cheering comes from the front of the house and Castiel peers at the clock next to the bed. "It's midnight."

"Well happy new year, chiot," I say with a smile.

"Happy new year, katzchen," he says, smiling back before kissing me again. We spend the rest of the night sleeping in each other's arms. I've never slept so well.

By the time I'm well and truly awake and the sun is up I feel like someone has pounded my head with a rock. A hot rock. With sharp edges. I sit up with a groan, untangling myself from Castiel. He's sleeping on his stomach, one hand over the edge of the bed. He looks much softer when he sleeps. He makes a soft noise and pulls me back down. I can't help but smile. He's treating me like a stuffed animal but I don't mind. I like cuddling with him as well. But nature calls so I extract myself again and head for the bathroom. My teeth feel fuzzy.

Sadly, the bathroom is occupied. Rio is standing at the mirror, shirtless, dragging a shaver over the sides of his head, trimming the stubble down to a shadow on his skull. Thor's boxers, he even has pierced nipples. He grins when he sees me at the door. "Good morning, gorgeous."

"Morning, Rio." It is really not fair that he is this attractive. Especially when I've just left a equally attractive man in bed.

"I'll be done in a sec, ok?" He passes a hand over his head, checking the sides. He looks at me in the mirror and smirks. "Have a good night?" At my confused look, he points to his neck. "Nice hickey there."

I blush. "Are you done yet? I feel like crap. Which is your fault, by the way."

He shrugs, brushing hairs off of his chest into the sink. "So sorry, beautiful. I didn't know."

"You're not sorry," I say, leaning against the doorframe. "Now get out before I sick Kim on you for flirting with me."

"You just have to ask," he purrs, stepping close to me. I can smell his cologne: wood smoke and lemon and pepper. "Go on now. Ask me to stop."

My blush darkens and I look down at his feet. Hellfire, even his feet are pretty. I can't speak at all. Something has clicked off now that the alcohol is out of my system. He chuckles and presses a kiss to my temple. "See you at breakfast, pretty girl. Should be ready in a bit." With that he saunters down the hall. His rear looks really nice in those tight jeans. With a huff I go into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. I swear I can hear him laugh even now.

Castiel is awake when I come back in. He's looking a bit rumpled after sleeping in his jeans and Winged Skull shirt. His hair needs to be combed and he has a crease from the pillow on his cheek. It makes me smile. I sit on the edge of the bed next to him and lean over to kiss him. He smiles back at me. "How are you feeling, katzchen?"

"I guess I could feel worse. Definitely not feeling as good as I could."

"You should eat something," he says. "Some food may do you good. Did you eat anything last night?"

I shake my head. "I was a bit... preoccupied, as you may recall." He smirks and kisses me. "Rio said breakfast would be ready soon."

"Isn't he the one who gave you those drinks?"

"He thought I was over twenty one," I say with a shrug. "It's all ok now, though."

He glowers for a moment. "Yeah, I guess." His stomach gives a loud growl that makes me laugh.

"Come on, chiot," I say, pulling him up. "Let's eat something."

Bea is in the kitchen frying up pancakes and bacon with extraordinary speed. It's like watching a whirlwind in action. Kim is already sitting at the island counter, sipping a cup of coffee. She smirks at us as we walk hand in hand into the kitchen. "Well, good morning," she says with a wink. "You guys have a merry new year?"

I give her a gentle shove as I sit on the stool next to her. Castiel sits on my other side. "And what about you? Where's Luke?"

"Still sleeping, the bum," Kim says. "He'll be stumbling out sometime around three in the afternoon. He and Rio got into a drinking match after you and Castiel wandered away."

"Shame on them," Bea says, setting a plate of bacon and pancakes in front of all of us. "Underage drinking was not what we agreed on."

"Oh hush Bea," Kim says, dousing her pancakes with syrup. "We're all safe. It's not like he drove home last night." Bea gives a disdainful sniff and goes back to cooking. Kim rolls her eyes and Castiel and I cover laughs with bites of pancake. Bea is a bit of a wet blanket but she makes awesome pancakes.

Rio saunters in during our second helping of pancakes. Even though he has a shirt on Castiel glares at him the second he crosses the threshold. Rio ignores him and winks at me, grabbing half a dozen pancakes and sashaying over to the kitchen table to eat. I swear, the boy can't take a step without making it look like a exotic dance. Castiel continues to glare at his back and I swear I can hear him growl.

Kim sighs. "Rio, stop flirting with Nico before Castiel throttles you."

"Oh, I wouldn't throttle him," Castiel says. "I'd lock him in a trunk with some rabid weasels and throw him in the river."

"I'll have to remember that one," Kim says.

"Is anyone else mildly disturbed by those two plotting my death?" Rio drawls.

"No," we all say in unison, even Bea. She cracks a rare smile before her stern mask comes back on.

"You all wound me. I should just end it now and save you the trouble." Rio says, miming stabbing himself in the chest with a fork.

"Did I mention Rio is a drama major?" Kim asks.

"No, but it makes sense," I say.

By the time Travis and Luke get out of bed, we've eaten most of the bacon, leaving them one strip apiece. As much as they grumble they have no right to complain after sleeping so late. Castiel even gets in on the teasing. He holds my hand all through breakfast, occasionally tracing a finger along my palm and finger pads. This sends happy tingles up my arm and makes me smile like a crazy person. Kim keeps rolling her eyes at us even though Luke keeps kissing her cheek and rubbing her shoulders. Rio keeps trying to meet my eye but I can't look at him when Castiel is right there. Not that I really want to. As cute as Kim's brother is, Castiel is the only one want to be with.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

I spent the rest of my too-short Christmas break doing absolutely nothing but hang out with Castiel and Lysander. We jammed together at Lysander's apartment since the school was still closed for the holiday. He has a surprisingly nice set up in his room with more instruments than he can play at once. I ask him why they don't jam here while we're in school. Apparently Leigh (who he lives with) doesn't like the noise and only tolerates it during breaks. It's during one of these sessions Lysander proposes something to me.

"I'd like you to join our band," he says, stepping away from the mic after a particularly spirited rendition of Muse's Madness. I stop mid swallow of my (non spiked) juice and it goes down the wrong pipe. As I sputter and cough, I glance between him and Castiel, who looks as shocked as I feel.

"Se-seriously?" I gasp out once the coughing ends. "But I thought I wasn't- well, you know. Right for the image or whatever."

Lys shrugs, making the lace trim on his coat ripple. "Your playing has improved quite dramatically the past few months. And as for image... Image can be manufactured."

"Christ," Castiel mutters, putting down his guitar. "You didn't even ask me first."

"I did not think you would mind," Lys says, quirking a brow. "You two have been rather attached the last few days. I thought you would not mind more time together."

This makes me blush a bright red. Castiel and I have been more, for lack of a better term, couple-y, every day. We hold hands, we hug often, we kiss frequently but without the lack of control we had on New Year's. "I don't mind," I say. "I've just never played in front of anyone but you guys before. And my family. Do you really think I'm good enough? I'm not dragging you down?"

"Not even close!" Castiel says, moving to sit closer to me. "You're a lot better than you think you are, katzchen." Lys nods in agreement, his mismatched eyes sparkling with humor that doesn't show on his face.

"Nico, will you join our band?" Lys asks. "You could even help us pick a name."

I smile at him. "Yeah, why not?" Castiel lets out a whoop of sound and presses a kiss to my cheek.

"You're awesome, babe," he says, his breath tickling my cheek.

"So the band doesn't even have a name yet?" I say. Both Lys and Castiel shake their heads.

"We can't agree on one," Castiel says. "Maybe a third brain in the mix could be what we need."

"I'll think about it," I say. I glance up at the Dali-inspired wall clock and groan. "I gotta get home. Parents want me home early since school starts up again tomorrow."

"I'll walk you out," Castiel says, offering me a hand up while Lys rolls his eyes. I ignore Lys and take Castiel's hand with a smile. Once out of the apartment building, he walks me to the end of the street, still holding my hand. I stand close to him, trying to beat the chill air. At the corner, he bends down to kiss me gently, his hand cupping my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, katzchen. Pick you up at 7:30?"

"That's fine with me," I say, pressing my cold nose into his palm and making him laugh. "Text me tonight?"

"Of course." He kisses me once more before giving me a gentle push towards my house. Lys' apartment is only five minutes from my place so I always walk. "See you later."

"Bye," I say with a wave over my shoulder. I walk quickly, rubbing my arms with my hands as I move. I hate the cold.

Halfway home, I feel a cold shiver run down my spine that has nothing to do with the weather. I keep moving but glance around me; I feel like someone is watching me. This part of the street is all trees, the houses spaced farther apart than normal. Someone is probably just out for a walk in the woods and is watching me at the same time. Yeah, totally plausible. I curse myself for leaving my mace keychain in my bedroom. This sort of situation is exactly why Daddy bought the thing for me.

I'm moving so fast I almost pass my house. I'm practically jogging as I get to the front porch, my hands shaking so it's hard to unlock the door. Once I get inside, I lean against the thick wood of the door, panting slightly. I glance out the peephole and see no one. What, in the name of all things good and holy, made me feel that way?

I'm anxious the rest of the night, trying to calm myself down as best I can. I am safe in my house with my combat-trained father and a top-notch security system. I don't tell Castiel because it would only make him upset over nothing. Nothing is actually wrong. So why do I still feel like someone is stalking me?

I toss and turn all night and almost miss my alarm. Fortunately I had thought ahead and gotten all of my things together the night before so all I needed to do was put on clothes (green jeans, boots, long-sleeved white shirt, scarf, striped socks, striped mittens and my extra-thick wool coat) and scarf down the homemade granola bars and cocoa Mom made this morning. I ignore my brother, who is still on holiday for the rest of this week and is rather smug about it. I kiss Daddy and Mom on the cheek and I am off, grabbing my bag where I left it by the front door. Castiel pulls up in his black something-or-other, I honestly have no idea. As many times as I've ridden in this thing you would think I would know what it is. But I don't. It moves and plays music, what else do I need to know?

Castiel is dressed in his usual shirt and leather jacket. In concession to the cold he wears leather gloves and thick boots instead of sneakers. He smiles at me, his eyes warm, but doesn't lean in for a kiss. He hasn't seen my parents since Thanksgiving and is nervous around my house. It's like he thinks my dad is watching him. Which he is. But he really shouldn't be nervous about it. I take his hand and squeeze gently. I'm not pushing it. We're going slow. Disregarding New Year's. But that was a unique occurrence. And I'm rambling in my head again. I really need to stop doing this.

"So what's your schedule like?" I ask to get my mind away from itself.

"Not too bad. Lots of electives. When's your study?"

"Right after lunch again," I say. "Yours?"

"Same," he says with that smile he only shows to me. At a stop sign he leans over and kisses me. "I'm glad we still have study together."

"And lunch," I say, a little dazed. God love a duck, he's got some kind of weapon with those kisses. "Mom made a cherry pie for you."

"Tell her thank you," he says with a wince. "I'll thank her myself eventually."

"I know," I say, plugging my iPod into his car. Electroswing always calms me down. Unfortunately it's a short drive to school so we're only halfway through the second song when we arrive. Castiel pulls into a space near the back of the student lot and lets it idle for a moment so the heat stays on. He pulls me toward him by the hand he never let go while we were driving here. He kisses me gently, in no hurry, his lips soft and his breath scented slightly of cigarettes. I kiss him back, squeezing his hand, in need of reassurance that things will be ok even though last night scared me and we're getting closer to the end of high school. We've never talked about what happens once we graduate. We probably should soon but for right now, right this second, all i want to think about is kissing him in the heat of his car.

A hard tapping at the window forces us apart. Kim and Luke's grinning faces are staring at us from the driver's side window. "Good morning!" Kim yells. She's dressed in some kind of fancy navy cape with yellow trim and a yellow baret to match her eyes. "You kids ready for our first day of our last semester of high school?"

"I'm a month older than you," I say loud enough for her to hear. I'm now grumpy because she said out loud what Castiel and I haven't talked about yet. Last day of the last semester before we graduate. Way to put a downer on the day. Squeezing Castiel's hand once more, I step out of the car, swinging my backpack over my shoulder. "What's your first class, Kim?"

"Anatomy," she says with a suggestive waggle of her brows. "You?"

"Same," I say, grinning despite my grumpiness at her. We high five over the hood of Castiel's car. The boys both grin and shake their heads at us. "Come on, let's get this over with."

You know the phrase time flies when you're having fun? Well I must have been having a blast because those first few weeks of our last semester went by in a flash. Since my class load wasn't too bad (except for physics), I felt like I could relax more. Until mid-February when things seemed to come crashing around me.

I was playing the keyboard in our empty classroom hideout with Castiel on guitar and Lys on the mic. We had added two new guys to our still unnamed band: Alexy on drums and his twin, Armin, on the base. They just transferred in at the beginning of the semester. The guys are polar opposites, Alexy being very showy and loud while Armin is more reserved and calm. But they both know how to play. Armin is even showing a talent for songwriting. Lys is put out but the rest of us think it's nice to have some fresh ideas that don't involve tortured love. But we still don't have a name or any gigs.

"Seriously, guys?" I say, absently plinking out a tune on my keyboard. "How do we not have a name yet?"

"Because none of us can think of one cool enough," Alexy says with a pout. He twirls a drumstick around and around on his long fingers. "The best I've thought of is Orange Hat."

"Better than Wet Dreams," Armin mutters. "That's just tacky."

"Hey, it was a joke," Castiel says with a glower. "You guys can't let anything go, can you?"

Lys has been quiet all evening. I mean, sure, he's usually quiet but now he's REALLY quiet. "Hey Lys," I call across the room. "What do you think?"

"I'm afraid my well of thoughts and ideas has also run dry," he says mournfully. "I am a failure as an artist."

I can't help but roll my eyes at him. I can see Alexy and Armin do the same. Castiel broods in a corner, fitfully plinking at his guitar. And Lysander mopes. Wait...

"What about NACAL?" I say. "All capital letters." As one the guys turn and look at me. Gotta admit, the combined might of the stares of three very attractive guys plus my even more attractive boyfriend makes me blush. "It's our initials. It sounds cool and represents each of us." They continue to stare and I get even redder. "Or we can switch the letters around. LACAN or CALAN or ANLAC of something..." More silence and staring. "... Or I'll just shut up now and-HEY!"

As one, the guys leap over and envelop me in a group hug. Castiel is the one with his arms around me but Lysander, Armin and Alexy are all trying their best to get in on the action. They're all positively vibrating with excitement, even Lysander who is smiling like a kid at Christmas.

"It's perfect!" Alexy shouts with his usual childish exuberance. Armin nods his assent, smiling at me with his perfectly even teeth.

"You're a freakin' genius, babe!" Castiel says, pressing a kiss to my lips.

"I agree," Lysander says, reaching into the pile to affectionately tug my hair. "It is unique, stylish and just a bit mysterious. I am just disappointed I did not think of it."

All this praise is sweet but the combined heat and strength of all the guys is making it hard for me to breath. "Thanks," I gasp. "Please let me go now so I may continue to be a live and be a genius." They all laugh and pull away, except for Castiel who continues to hold me.

"Katzchen, will you go to the Valentine's Dance with me next week?" I gasp and look up at Castiel, who is beaming at me. If it's possible I get even more red.

"You're asking me this NOW? Here?"

"It seemed like a good time," he chuckles. "So what do you say?"

"O-Of course," I stammer, grinning back at him. "Who else would I go with?"

"Me!" Alexy chirps, winking at me over Castiel's shoulder. Castiel turns and glares at him and I swear I can almost hear him growl.

"No way, you blue-haired nutcase," he growls, hugging me tighter to him. "My girl. Not yours."

"But you could share!" Alexy says.

"I don't share," Castiel grumbles.

"Hey, do I get a say in this?" I mutter, wiggling away from Castiel. I glare up at Alexy and poke him hard in the center of the chest. "I'm going with my boyfriend. Deal with it, pretty boy."

Alexy chuckles and holds his hands up in defeat. "Just kidding, princess. Think Iris is available?" I can see Lysander stiffen at that. Interesting...

"No idea," I say, keeping an eye on Lys. "She hasn't told me if she has a date or not."

"Awesome!" Alexy says. "I need to run, need to make sure she doesn't find a date before I can ask her." He trots out of the room, Armin close behind him. Armin waves at us as he steps out the door, a rueful smile on his face. I guess he's used to Alexy's crazy whims after spending a life with him.

I glance over at Lysander who is staring off into space. He's got the most interesting expression, like someone just hit him on the back of the head with a wooden board.

"You know Lys, Iris has told me that she thinks Alexy is a little too aggressive for her tastes. She prefers quieter guys."

I can see him visibly perk up. "Really? She said that?"

"Mmhmm," I hum. "If you hurry up and call her, you could ask her to the dance yourself."

He grins at me, his expression slightly pained. "Am I that obvious?"

"Just a smidge."

He sighs and nods. "Very well. I will return presently." He steps out of the room, pulling his cell from his pants as he does so.

Castiel chuckles and pulls me in for another hug. "You're kind of evil, you know that?"

"I learned from the best," I say, kissing his chin.

I haven't looked this forward to a dance since junior prom. This will also be mine and Castiel's first dance together. Sure, there were a few dances last semester, but neither of us were much interested in attending. The best part is, this dance isn't formal so I can get away with wearing pants. I'm still iffy on wearing skirts or dresses. Fortunately Castiel doesn't care what I wear. He thinks I look good in anything and tells me so quite often. It's one of the things I really love about him.

Yeah, I love him. But I haven't told him so.

I sigh and move away from his embrace, gathering my things into my bag. "I gotta run chiot. Got homework to do."

"Want me to drive you home?"

I shake my head. "I feel like walking. I haven't been getting a lot of exercise and I want to look nice for our date next week."

He smiles and kisses me briefly. "Ok. But I think you look great just the way you are."

See? He's wonderful.

The walk home usually takes me about twenty minutes. But since I am daydreaming about Castiel and walking slow it takes me almost twice that time. The weather is still cold but it isn't cold enough to make me want to hurry. I'm debating on whether I want to get a corsage or not when I feel a shiver run down my spine. I feel like someone is watching me, just like I did almost a month ago when I was walking home from Lysander's. I fight down panic and keep walking, though I do quicken my step a little bit. I still feel eyes on my back as I walk the last quarter mile home. As soon as I get to my door I turn, expecting to see someone staring at me. But once again, there is nothing.

"Show your face, you yellow-bellied sand scut," I say as loud as I dare. "Stop freaking me out and face me like a normal person." All I get is silence. So I go inside and lock every single door I walk through behind me. Or try to. The bathroom door still doesn't have a lock on it.

I spend the next week caught between jittery nerves and excitement. That's twice I've felt eyes watching me when I go home so now I don't walk anywhere by myself. Better safe than sorry, right? I don't tell them why but I think Iris and Kim both know something is up. They walk with me when I ask them or drive me if they have their car. Iris is a thousand times more cheerful than normal, having accepted Lysander's invitation to attend the dance as his date. Kim and Luke are even more in love than ever, if that was even possible. Kim has made them matching shirts with their initials surrounded by a heart with an arrow through it. There is glitter and puff paint involved. I applaud Luke for putting up with her whims even more than Iris and I do. Castiel and I are also wearing matching shirts, but they're black with red broken hearts that have a band-aid taped over the center. I saw them at the mall and just had to have one for both of us. Castiel agreed to wear it after I bribed him with more of mom's pie. I think if I had met him earlier he would be a lot more easy going. And fat.

The Wednesday before the dance, Alexy runs up to me during the lunch break. "Nico, we gotta head to the principal's office. She wants to talk to us."

"What does that old pink fruitbat want with us?" Castiel says. "I didn't do anything." I roll my eyes at him but don't comment.

"She just wants to see us three?" I ask, taking a bite from my sandwich.

"No, she wants to see the whole band," Alexy says.

Castiel and I share a look over the lunch table. I shrug and pack up the rest of my food to eat during study. "Lead the way, blue."

Mrs. Flavasham, aka the old pink fruitbat, is sitting at her desk when the five of us enter (Armin and Lysander were waiting for us outside the office). She smiles at us, but her smile is slightly manic. "Good afternoon. Please, sit." There are only four chairs. After a subtle scramble, Alexy is the one left standing. Mrs. Flavasham begins to look very frazzled. I can see strands of her grey hair sticking out from her bun. "Now, as I'm sure you're all aware, our school is hosting a Valentine's Day dance this Friday night. We had a band booked but they have decided to cancel on us at the worst possible moment." I swear I can see her eye twitching. "I have come to understand you five have formed a band of sorts. I am asking you to step in for our original band at the dance this Friday."

We sit and stare at her in silence for a moment. Then Alexy, quite typically for him, is the first to speak. "Wait, you're asking us to play at the dance?"

Mrs. Flavasham fixes him with a steely glare. "Yes, I believe that is what I just said."

"But I have a date!" Alexy says. "We all have dates!"

"I don't," I hear Armin mutter next to me. I don't think anyone else heard him.

Mrs. Flavasham's eye twitches. "I see. Of course we had been planning on compensating you-"

"Well wait a second then," Alexy says, his eyes gleaming. Alexy loves to shop and never seems to be able to hold onto money, so he never passes up an opportunity to make some. "Maybe we can work out a deal."

"Hey now," I say. "Maybe some of us wanted to actually have fun at a dance."

"We still could," Lys murmurs. "We could play a set, then have someone's iPod play for a set so we can have some fun and just keep switching." I know he's excited about going to the dance with Iris. But I also know that since he and Leigh live without any support from their parents he's also not that high on cash.

Castiel grunts and settles back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest. "I don't hate the idea." He glances at me. "What do you think, katzchen?"

"I don't hate it either," I sigh. "But we've never played in front of anyone before. What if they don't like us?"

"I'm sure you will do fine," Mrs. Flavasham says with enthusiasm. Her confident tone is sort of off put by her crazy hair and still twitching eye. She must be desperate for this to work. "And would cash be an acceptable form of payment?"

Alexy and Lys argue back and forth with her about the actual amount for a bit longer while Armin, Castiel and I watch. Castiel and I hold hands and he's developed this habit of rubbing his thumb along my pulse that makes me shiver deep in my soul. Finally the bell rings for the end of lunch and we dash out of the office. "You don't mind, Armin?" I ask him as we leave. "You were pretty quiet in there."

He shrugs. "With the money I can buy the new World of Warcraft expansion and extend my membership for a few months." Armin has a thing for video games.

"But you don't have a date?" I ask.

"Don't want one," he says with a smile. "Alexy keeps trying to set me up with this girl in his newspaper club but she seems like a bit of a shark. This could be a good excuse not to go with her." This makes Castiel and I laugh as we head to our study period, waving at Armin as he breaks away to go to Spanish.

Castiel and I have been spending our study periods in my old hiding spot under the bleachers in the gym. It's warm in there and since there isn't a gym class after lunch anymore it's not that smelly. "So, what's up with Lys?" I ask as I settle onto a folded up blanket. "He seemed pretty into going to the dance with Iris. Why's he wanting to do this band thing now?"

"I think he needs the money," Castiel says, settling next to me and pulling me close. "He has something special he wants to give her."

"Oh," I say. I glance up at him, worrying at my lip. "Did- do you want to exchange gifts? Or cards or something?"

"Whatever you want, katzchen," he smiles at me, kissing me gently.

"I wouldn't mind exchanging cards," I say when we come up for air. "Maybe a flower?"

"Cards sound nice," he purrs, nuzzling my throat. Conversation ceases after that until the bell rings and we have to go to our separate classes. Since I don't have math this semester, this is how most of our study periods are spent. I'm getting better at forcing my blushes down.

The rest of the week all of our spare time is spent practicing for the dance. We rehearse until our fingers are all blistered and Lys almost loses his voice. But when Friday night rolled around we were all pumped beyond belief. Even I was excited, trying hard to quash my nervousness. We got to the gym an hour before the dance started so we could do soundcheck and get in one more practice round. After soundcheck, I glanced over to Castiel, standing at the front of the stage. I'm more in the back, next to Alexy on his drums. Not that I'm complaining, I've got a nice view of Castiel's butt back here. But there's something I wanted to do before the dance got started.

"Hey guys? Can I play something for you real quick?"

"Sure thing, pretty lady," Alexy says with a grin. Castiel growls at him and I roll my eyes.

"Go ahead," Lys says, straightening the cuffs on his very elaborate jacket.

I glance at Castiel, who smiles and nods at me encouragingly. I smile back, take a deep breath, and start plunking out a little tune I've been working on. And then, to all of their surprise, I start to sing. The lyrics aren't anything special, just a poem we've all known since grade school, but I wrote the music myself.

"If I were a butterfly,

Would you set me free?

If I sold my soul,

Would you buy it back for me?

If I had terrors,

Would you hold me tight?

If I did a wrong,

Would you make it right?

If I built a fire,

Would you guard the flames?

If I said I love you,

Would you do the same?"

I glance at Castiel again when I finish, nervously pushing my hair behind my ears. A strand of magenta keeps falling in my eyes. I wish I had brought a clip or something to hold it at bay. Castiel is looking at me with his mouth open, his eyes wide with shock. After a moment he puts his guitar down and slowly moves toward me. I watch him, holding my breath. When he reaches me, he pulls me into his arms, tucking my head under his chin.

"That was a great card," he murmurs, making me laugh weakly.

"I couldn't find a good one at the store," I mutter, holding onto the back of his shirt for dear life. I feel like the floor is pulling away from my feet.

He pulls back and takes my face in his hands. He's smiling like he's gotten the best present ever. "I love you, too."

Everything is suddenly too bright and too dim at the same time. All I can see is Castiel. "Oh good," I whisper. He chuckles and ducks his head to kiss me.

A thousand years later a cough makes us break apart. Armin, Alexy and Lysander are all grinning at us. "Not that this isn't totally touching," Alexy drawls, "But people are starting to show up. And we've still got a dance to play."

Castiel growls at him. "Fine." His expression softens as he looks at me, giving me one more kiss. "Save the first dance for me?"

"Of course," I say, grinning like an idiot.

The first set is a blur. For all I know, I played everything backwards. But I couldn't bring myself to care. Castiel loves me back. Nothing else really matters. All I want is to get off this stage so we can dance and celebrate this new love properly.

Of course after the first set is when things start going straight to Hell.


End file.
